Proof of God’s appearance

I take Sam (5) to see The Last Mimzy. Before the movie, there is a trailer for the upcoming Evan Almighty, starring Steve Carell as Evan and Morgan Freeman as God.

During the trailer, Sam points to Morgan Freeman.

SAM. That’s God?
DAD. Yes.
SAM. I told you he looks like Mace Windu!
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tonight’s dream

My wife and I work with an international espionage network of some sort.  Agents of this network pass messages to each other coded within appraisals of Elvis Costello songs.  Today it is incumbent upon me to write an analysis of “Veronica” whilst encoding whatever secret message I’m supposed to hide in said analysis.

(An aside: I have been thinking about writing an espionage thriller recently, but not about coding, although it certainly seems like my “message encoded in a song appraisal” sounds like a job for Robert Redford in Three Days of the Condor.)

As the dream begins I am finishing up my task when a detail about the song’s lyrics catches my attention, and I find myself writing a good deal more than I need to for purely “code” purposes, just because of the beauty and import of the song.

(For those of you unfamiliar with “Veronica,” it is a propulsive, energetic pop song [and one of Costello’s only true hits] about a silent, still, senile elderly woman in England who has a rich, full inner life of memories.  She is in a nursing home surrounded by people who do not have a clue as to the colorful life she’s led — to them, she is opaque and lifeless.)

I call my wife into the room and play the song for her, pointing out the lyrical passage that has caught my attention.  Listening to it again I am moved to tears.  (Don’t go dashing for your copies of Spike to find the lyrics — upon awakening, I realize that the passage that I found so moving is one completely invented by me in dreamtime.)

It is time to deliver the message to our contact.  We go to meet him at a large, crowded fruit market.  While we are waiting for him, my wife remembers that we need grapes.  I select some from a pile: they look accepable on top, but when I turn them over I find that the ones below are rotten.

Readers will note a number of differences between this dream and the others.  Here, I have, indeed, contracted to a performance, but this is a private performance for my espionage network, not for a public audience.  Also, there is no bizarre, surreal travel nightmare in this dream and the location is, in all respects, a normal fruit market.
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Sudden Impact


left to right: Ronald Reagan, Sudden Impact, George W. Bush, Bring it On.

Please tell me I’m not the first person to notice this:

When Ronald Reagan wanted to talk tough, he lifted a line from a Clint Eastwood movie.  When George W. Bush wanted to talk tough, he lifted the title of a cheerleading movie. 

Makes perfect sense: Reagan (although an evil, lizard-faced moron) saw a kinship in Eastwood, a fellow conservative, cowboy and Last Good Man.  And Bush was, literally, a cheerleader.  I can actually imagine him watching Peyton Reed’s cheerleading drama (a wonderful movie in its own right) for the fifth time in the screening room at the White House, nodding his head sagely and thinking “Yes, this is how it really was.”  And then, the light bulb goes off: this is the message he will bring to the terrorists.  He sets his jaw, grits his teeth and speaks the words aloud: “Because I’m a cheerleader, dammit.”

UPDATE: It has come to my attention that there are people unfamiliar with the Reagan quote.  When standing up to somebody or other (Gadaffi, the Russians, who knows) he invoked Sudden Impact‘s catchphrase, “Go ahead, make my day.”  It was as obscene then as saying “bring it on” regarding international terrorism is now.  Imho.

Clint Eastwood is a personal artistic hero of mine and one of America’s greatest living directors, but when he’s bad he’s really quite bad; tin-eared, flat-footed, careless and slipshod.  Sudden Impact is notable, at least philosophically, for the scenes involving Eastwood’s relationship with the Sondra Locke character, as  we find Dirty Harry having unexpected rapport with the target of his investigation, but in all other regards it is one of his least interesting movies (although this fan has yet to see The Rookie and Pink Cadillac).  It is mostly poorly shot, muddy and ugly, with very little of the interest in light that normally characterizes Eastwood’s work (the elegant, sublime Pale Rider was his very next movie).  The acting is serviceable at best and quite appallingly horrible at it’s worst (mostly the sneering, smirking, giggling, scowling, bellicose bad guys — okay, okay, we get it, they’re bad).  Pat Hingle, one of our most reliable of character actors, is given a stupefyingly long expository monologue late in the movie (“Let me tell you my comatose son’s side of the story”) and even an artist as great as he cannot find anything to do with it. 

The script puts two protagonists on parallel tracks; unfortunately, we’re only interested in one of them, and the one we’re interested in isn’t Dirty Harry.  Sondra Locke pursues and punishes the men who raped her and her sister while Harry beats up some people, causes an old man to have a heart attack, shoots some would-be robbers, gets shot at by some mobsters, retaliates, gets yelled at by his superiors, runs into some more bad guys, has to kill them, so on.  Harry’s action is fulsome but without dramatic impact (sudden or otherwise).  Fully half the movie passes before the two protagonists literally bump into each other (via the hoariest of cliches, the pet dog, no less) and it’s even longer before Harry has any idea who’s killing all the rapists.  It’s strange to watch a Clint Eastwood movie and to keep thinking “yeah, yeah, Harry’s interesting, but where’s Sondra Locke?” but that’s what happens here; her character is given all the dramatic thrust in the picture.  That shows both Eastwood’s generosity and weakness as a dramatist — his own character is given pointless busywork to do while his nominal antagonist runs off with the movie.

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tonight’s dream

I am a member of a large touring band of some sort. It’s the size of an orchestra but I don’t remember it having the instruments of an orchestra. Perhaps it’s a jazz or swing orchestra. In any case, I don’t play an instrument; I seem to be there in a purely administrative capacity.

We are in Canada. The band has been given a large, derelict shopping mall to rehearse in. The architecture seems to date to the 1980s, but the building was not well-designed and has been declared unsafe. The band is not even allowed inside the building; we rehearse in a semi-covered outdoor cafe on the exterior of the mall.

In the middle of a number, the store next to the outdoor cafe explodes from a gas leak. Glass showers outward into the parking lot. The authorities arrive and shoo the band away from the ruined exterior.

I note that the jagged hole in the store’s glass facade resembles the maple leaf of the Canadian flag.  I pull a musician aside to point it out to him.  Not only does he not find this funny, he has a hard time seeing the resemblance.

Men in grey suits and fedoras (these guys, actually, now that I think of it) show up to investigate the explosion. I suddenly remember that I’ve left something inside the mall and go in to get it, in spite of the fact that one of the stores just exploded. No one stops me — they have more important things to do.
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Guido Nielsen

I have harbored an interest in ragtime music since, well, probably since seeing The Sting at age 11, and it has always frustrated me that any recording of ragtime I could find always sounded like it was recorded at the bottom of a well or else obscenely tarted-up, “cutified” to appeal to popular tastes (like, um, like the soundtrack to The Sting, for instance).

So when I stumbled across Guido Nielsen’s Scott Joplin: The Complete Rags, Marches, Waltzes and Songs at my local used record store, with a handsome package designed by no less an entity (and ragtime authority) than Chris Ware, I snapped it up.

The recordings are revelatory. Nielsen’s performances are clear-eyed, unadorned and unsentimental, letting the the compositions speak for themselves, and the recording is state-of-the-art in its clarity and precision. Impossible to listen to without experiencing overwhelming feelings of giddiness, optimism and joy, while still feeling the deep strains of melencholy and even tragedy that inform some of the melodies. This music is American life itself.

I enjoyed the set so much I sought out Nielsen’s recordings of two lesser-known Joplin disciples, Joseph F. Lamb and James Scott, again abetted by the lovingly lavish Chris Ware designs. They do not disappoint.

Mr. Nielsen hails from Amsterdam (figures, no American musician would treat his nation’s musical legacy with such respect and devotion), and emerges from the Beau Hunks Sextette, which has recorded definitive versions of Raymond Scott tunes and music from Little Rascals shorts. I recommend them all, especially Manhattan Minuet, which is one of my favorite recordings of all time and also features smashing design from Chris Ware.
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PG 300

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k
This…is…Caketown!
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tonight’s dream

The world has ended, and the powers that be have refurbished a vast underground bunker (many many stories deeper than the above illustration) in order to house the remaining shreds of humanity. All of this seems okay with me.

I am one of the first people to gain access to the new living space. It is windowless and a little corporate, a warren of white-painted, grey-carpeted, mid-sized rooms stretching out into infinity and deep down into the earth, like an office tower built straight into the ground. It is stark and cold but not unpleasant.

I am hanging out in one of the rooms with my friend R. Sikoryak and a couple of other people. We’re talking about a project that we’ve all worked on, a textbook that is being published in order to familiarize people with their new lives inside this vast underground bunker. There is no furniture so we’re leaning against the walls or sitting on the grey carpeting. The place has that “new office” smell and there is still masking tape on the freshly-painted moldings. The room we are in has been set aside as a children’s playroom and there is a small arrangement of wooden blocks scattered about. We talk about the experience of contributing material to the book and the various production and editing headaches that we’ve encountered.

The book’s managing editor shows up. It is a female studio executive I’ve worked with before. She has a proof copy of the new book to show us. R. and I make fun of the cover, which is an ugly, purely-informative temp job done by some graphics-ignorant publishing slave. The editor assures us that this is not the final cover, although she sighs that the publisher (who is, I think, whatever government that exists) will not budge on the title, which is a long, meaningless gibbering of syllables that resembles the title of a software user’s manual.

As R. and the editor talk about production, I flip through the book (which is hundreds of pages long and has the heft of the aformention user’s manual) and note with pride that in addition to R.’s drawings, the book also has illustrations by Tony Millionaire. This makes both R. and I happy because Tony is a friend of ours.

At that moment there is a hubbub in the next room.  The building has been “opened for business” and a great, swelling tide of humanity has been ushered inside.  The editor opens the doorto reveal hundreds of people waiting in the next room, clutching their meager belongings and angry at us for hogging this room to ourselves.
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Sam’s first love letter


click for larger view.

A dad can’t help but be proud when his son comes home from kindergarden with a note like this.

“Dear Sam” writes his admiratrix “I left you a penny and two dimes I love you because you gave me a stick.  Love, _____.”  (name omitted so that the young lady in question might one day still become a supreme court justice).

What, ahem, stick, you ask, did my son give her that was worth 21 cents and a love letter?  No special stick, insists Sam, just a Y-shaped stick “you know, like for a slingshot,” that he found in the schoolyard and gave to her because she admired it.

Why is her declaration of love crossed out?  I wasn’t sure how to dance around this subject with Sam, who has already had his 5-year-old heart broken once by the fickle wiles of the pre-teen female heart.  But it turns out there is a perfectly rational explanation, at least in Sam’s mind.  “She still loves me,” says Sam, noting that she repeats her declaration at the bottom of the letter, “it’s just that she must have read the letter again and thought ‘I love you because you gave me a stick?’  That doesn’t make any sense, that sounds crazy.” 

The last time we were talking about career paths, Sam said that he does not think he would make a very good soldier (good for you, Sam) and that he still plans to become an artist (good for you, Sam), but based on this letter, it seems like he will always have “gigolo” as a fallback position.
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A tale of two magazine covers

Rolling Stone continues its investigation into the exciting, glamorous, dangerous world of this new music called “rock and roll” with their blistering expose of a band that broke up before most of their readers were born. As they did last September with their revealing “Led Zepplin Was A Good Band” story, RS pushes constantly forward through seas of journalistic valor, delivering us the news on the excessive lives of 70s rock stars.  To whom the story “Pink Floyd Did Not Get Along All The Time” is news is a mystery yet to be solved by this humble investigator.  Is there a new Pink Floyd album on the way?  An important new book?  Did Mikal Gilmore (who really should have better things to do) honestly want to write a report on how Pink Floyd broke up, or did orders come from above that this important, emerging story demanded the attention of Rolling Stone?  And the cover is, perhaps, the worst in the magazine’s history.  I know the guys in Pink Floyd were ugly, but is that really the best available photo of them?  It doesn’t even have a credit, only that it is from the Michael Ochs Archives and is owned by Getty Images.  The flames in the background, however, are credited, to one Michael Elins. 

Jann Wenner: Can you do something to jazz up this drab, ugly photo?  We really need it for the cover.  People have a driving need to know why this band broke up 25 years ago, and no one else will tell this story.  Can you help me?

Michael Elins: Is that Lynyrd Skynyrd?

JW: No, it’s Pink Floyd.

ME: Oh.  Damn.  ‘Cause, you know, if it was Lynyrd Skynyrd, I could put, like, flames or something in the background.

JW: I like it.  Flames, right.  Because it’s Pink Fl — wait.

ME: What?

JW: That doesn’t make any sense.  Pink Floyd, flames, it doesn’t — we need something else.

ME: Hm.  Well, flames is what I’ve got.  Hang on.  (ME, who has never heard of Pink Floyd before, checks their discography at CDNow)  I see one of their albums has a cartoon brick wall on the cover.  How about if they stand in front of a cartoon brick wall?

JW: No, no, I like the flames, I just — it needs something else.

ME: How about that prism thing?

JW: Prism?

ME: Um, okay, um, how about a floating pig?

JW: Perfect!   Where?

ME: I dunno, stick it on the logo or something.

JW: I love it.

MEANWHILE,

I’m sympathetic to the plight of the American soldier, but this cover falls like a lead piano.  And it’s by Barry Blitt, who should know better.  Remnicked again!
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Tony Snow in surgery for colon cancer

And the name of that tumor is Alberto Gonzales.
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