Literary Oddities: Tumbleweed Trouble
As a Hollywood screenwriter, I am exposed to bad storytelling on a daily basis. One tributary of the river of bad storytelling is misguided adaptations of pop-culture icons. “What if Superman were a gypsy farmer?” “What if Mickey Mouse was a molecular physicist?” “What if you re-imagined the Green Lantern Corps as the team from Reservoir Dogs?” (Hey, that one’s not bad — hang on, I need to make a phone call.)
In the sweepstakes of inept pop-culture adaptations, I have, I believe, a winner. This is, I believe, as bad as it gets. This is not fanfic, this is not slash Smurfs, this is not Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. This is The Road Runner: Tumbleweed Trouble by Jack Woolgar (although apparently not this Jack Woolgar.) This is a real book, sanctioned (but apparently not read) by the creators (or at least the owners) of the Road Runner (that is, Warner Bros Inc.) and associated characters, published by a real publisher, Whitman Books (a complete list of other Whitman “Tell-A-Tale” books can be found here).
What makes this book so bad? How does it rise above (or, rather, sink below) the ranks of all other bad pop-culture crap?
Let’s take a look inside, shall we?
brace yourself
Johnny Hart 1931-2007
I’m conflicted by the death of Johnny Hart. When I was a kid, B.C. was my favorite strip in the world for a long, long time. I collected the books, read them over and over, compared one to another, mentally charted the development of ideas and themes, thought about how the characters differed and how they acted toward one another, learned to draw all of them. It was a big part of my life for what seems like years.
I had not read the strip in decades when I learned that he had decided to go out of his way to inject his strict fundamentalist Christian views into his work. Strips like this, this, this and this seem unasked for at best and hateful at worst. To start with only the most obvious, how do you explain a bunch of cavemen discussing evolution? Or Jesus? In a strip titled, ahem, B.C.? It’s one thing to write according to your beliefs, but why use an art form (on the funnies page, no less) as a tool to bludgeon Jews, Muslims and, essentially, anyone who isn’t also a fundamentalist Christian? Charles Schulz was a devout Christian and wrote of his beliefs with elegance, charm and great warmth. Not every cartoonist can be a Schulz, and my early life was greatly enriched by Hart’s work, but he ended his career on a decidedly sour note of intolerance. UPDATE: An eloquent appraisal of Hart’s talents can be found here.
Good TV
I’ve got to say, it’s bracing for me to see unstoppable force meet unmovable object here. These are two of my least favorite television personalities ever, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard them both sound this sincere before, and certainly not at the same time. Since I think of both of them as insufferable pricks, it’s hard to actually pick a side in the debate; my only real wish would be that the confrontation devolve into an actual fistfight that leaves them both hospitalized.
Here, by the way, is the story they’re discussing.
Holy week expands to embrace alternative religions
Dinosaur comic makes me laugh! I enjoy laughing, it’s better than sadness!.
Meanwhile, what could be funnier than Dinosaur Comics? Nothing I can think of! Unless maybe it’s panels from Dinosaur Comics presented in a constantly-changing random order!
A screenwriter’s notebook
I carry a little notebook around with me. I jot down things in it as I’m traveling around town.
I work on anywhere from 5 to 20 projects at any given time, so a single book will have all kinds of notes about different projects.
Sometimes I write things down while I’m watching a movie. Sometimes that makes it hard to read later.
Here are a few pages from my current notebook:
