Kit corner

DAD. Kit, I love your new drawing!
KIT (4). Thank you!
DAD.  What does the “TM” mean?
KIT.  That means nobody can steal it!
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And now, some drawings of a bird flying through winter trees



From my eventually-to-be-completed graphic novel Feeder Birds.
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Teen Princess


“Hey Alderaan, I got your secret plans right here.”

In re Princess Leia’s character arc in The Empire Strikes Back (see yesterday’s entry), [info]dougo  writes:

“It seems wrong to say Leia’s motivations are all about Han. She wants revenge against Vader for blowing up Alderaan (and, in general, freedom from the empire), and Han is just a distraction.”

Leia never mentions Alderaan during Empire, and while she clearly feels a duty toward the rebellion, she seems to serve only a figurehead function. That Mon Mothma woman is in charge of the rebel forces (her Grand Moff Tarkin being old lobster-face Admiral Ackbar) and Leia seems to be in it for the adventure and intrigue. She’s around to hand out medals and look great in a slave outfit.

I was so sure that Leia doesn’t feel any particular sense of vengeance against Vader that I went back and watched Act II of Star Wars tonight. Sure enough, hours after her home planet is destroyed, Leia is cracking wise, kicking ass and swinging from chandeliers, when most other people would have been, I don’t know, all mopey and stuff.

Part of this, I think, is that Vader, rather pointedly, doesn’t blow up Alderaan. Rather, he seems reluctant to do something so rash. He didn’t seem to feel any pangs about torturing his daughter a scene earlier, but he draws the line at blowing up her home planet. It’s Tarkin who blows it up and he gets paid back in full by the end of the movie. Oh, you Grand Moff Tarkin! Did no one ever love you?

That explains the lack of Leia’s feelings of revenge, but why is she so unaffected? There is only one explanation — she hated that place. Just like her twin brother Luke couldn’t wait to get the hell off of Tatooine, Leia probably blasted off from Alderaan in a huff, tired of her blowhard ex-Jedi uncle Bail and all her tiresome senatorial duties.  I mean, she didn’t undertake her secret “deliver the secret plans” mission because she’s a bureaucrat.  She went off looking for adventure and she found it.  Maybe that’s the reason she affects that weird English accent when she’s brought before Tarkin; she’s trying to get his dander up so maybe he’ll blow up Alderaan faster.  Giventhe fact that Peter Cushing is English, maybe Leia is actually making fun of his accent, playing the Ugly Alderaanian, just to piss him off.  Just like with Han in Empire, she protests too much — “Oh noes!  Not Alderaan!  Anyplace but Alderaan!”  This is exactly the reason why people in the US have to be 35 before they can be elected president.

(One of the most egregious gaffes [not to be confused with gaffe sticks] in the Star Wars universe is the placement of Luke on Tatooine.  Padme Amidala has twins and they are entrusted to the care of somebody or other; one is taken to Alderaan to be with Bail Organa, the other is taken where?  Why Darth Vader’s home town, of course!  He’ll never think to look for him there!  Hey!  And let’s send Vader’s mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi there too!  That will double our chances of the kid never being found!  And let’s not even change the kid’s name!  With minds like this making decisions, perhaps it was best that the Old Republic fell apart after all.)
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Sam on Star Wars

My son Sam (5) has now seen Star Wars.  (quoth the clerk at my local “collectible toy” boutique: “You’re in trouble now.”)

SAM: You know who my favorite Star Wars guy is?
DAD: Who?
SAM: C-3PO.
DAD: Yeah, I think he was my favorite when I was a kid too.
SAM: You know why?
DAD: Why.
SAM: ‘Cause he’s always, like, saying to R2-D2 “No, I’m not going to follow you, you’re crazy, I’m not going to do that” and then they both end up in the same place anyway.

And it struck me just how thematically dense that first movie is.  Somehow it had never occurred to me that, in this series of movies about Destiny and Duty, even the clowns, the Beckettian pseudocouple robots, one the irrepresible id, the other the worrywart superego, play out their little comedy of destiny together.  One forges blithely ahead, heedless of danger, the other is very careful to avoid danger altogether,  they choose very different paths, and yet they do both end up in the same place.  It’s all very Mahabharata or the movie Sandy Bates is making at the beginning of Stardust Memories.
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The Empire Strikes Back

A good reminder that movies are, at the end of the day, their plots. You can have as many great ideas in a movie as you want, but if you don’t have a good plot, you’re screwed.

What follows is a screenwriter’s exercise: take a favorite movie and reduce it to its plot.  Take away the performances, the production values, the dialogue, the special effects, everything but the plot and see what makes it all work.  The plot is the engine that makes the movie go.  The result is a kind of retro-fitted treatment.

100% spoilers ahead

Kids these days (a true story)

KIT (4): Waaaaaahh!  Mommy ruined my drawing!!  Waaaaaaahhhh!
SAM (5) (genuine concern): What happened, Kit?
KIT: Waaaaaaah!  I asked Mommy to draw a sweater on my girl and she drew long sleeves!  Waaaaaahhh!  She ruined my drawing!  She ruined my WHOLE DAY!  Waaaaahhhh!
SAM: It’s okay Kit, we can scan it and fix it in Photoshop!
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Fearful symmetries





More

The Kid-pitching sketch

Schools have fund-raising dinners.  If the school has some talented parents, one of the parents might get up and entertain.

My son Sam goes to a school in Los Angeles, so all of the parents are talented.  And for their fund-raising dinners, instead of parents getting up and singing or doing a magic act, the parents all get together and make a short self-satirizing movie produced by, edited by, directed by and starring well-known industry professionals.

I’m still getting used to all this, but for the fund-raising dinner the other night the school asked me to write a short sketch to incorporate into their movie.  I suggested a scene where some parents “pitch” their kid to the school as if he were a movie idea (since “pitch sketches” are the only sketches I’m capable of writing).  It turned out pretty good, so I thought I’d share it with a wider audience.

The Kid-pitching sketch

Some Oscar thoughts

I don’t really know why, but the show seemed a whole lot more compelling this year than other years.  It wasn’t the set, which was ugly, non-glamorous and bluntly utilitarian, and it wasn’t that I knew anyone up for an award.

Maybe it was, as Ellen Degeneres noted, the international flavor of the thing.  It seemed like less of a clubhouse kind of affair than usual, and the people who stuck out weird were the ones who treated it as such.  All kinds of people from all over the world and all kinds of backgrounds are making movies these days, and their movies are quickly becoming better, and in some cases more popular, than what Hollywood is producing.

Or maybe, taking a cue from casting Ellen Degeneresas host, it’s that the show business community is finally going back to saying “Oh yeah, that’s right, we’re liberal, and we actually don’t have to apologize for it.  We forgot about that for a moment.  We’re the cool kids, the Washington guys are the jerks.”  The routine with Leonardo DiCaprio and Al Gore was funny to me because I honestly half-suspected that Gore really was going to take the moment to announce his candidacy (although I’m glad he did not, at least not at a showbiz event).  The only thing that would have made Gore’s presence more gratifying was if someone had referred to him as the President of the United States.

Maybe it was the montages offered on the various themes.  It’s always baffled me how, for decades, so much of the Oscar broadcast is handed over to dance numbers.  Why are we watching (bad) dance during a program dedicated to the art of film?  The montages made me remember what I was watching this for, that I am part of (or at least witness to) a long artistic tradition, that greatness is possible in all times, and that there’s nothing wrong or shameful about wanting to be a filmmaker.  It made me sit up and, involuntarily, name aloud the movies I’d seen of those referenced, and feel a lack where there were ones I hadn’t seen.  It made me want to see more movies, which is, to say the least, not the usual effect of the Oscar broadcast.

Maybe it was that I felt like the movies being honored were worth being honored, and that the winners deserved their awards.  There wasn’t a single moment where I felt “so-and-so got screwed” or “this is all political” (with the possible exception of Eddie Murphy losing to Alan Arkin).  I preferred Pan’s Labyrinth to The Lives of Others, but I wouldn’t say that the latter movie, a gripping political drama, didn’t deserve to win.  In fact, I’ll say the opposite: I’m glad that The Lives of Others won so that maybe people will go see it this weekend.  I made a joke in an earlier post about how “West Bank Story” would win because it’s about Israel, but when I saw the actual clip I thought “Wow, that’s a great idea for a movie, I want to see that.”

Maybe it was my daughter Kit (4), who got caught up in the dresses, particularly the red number Jennifer Hudson wore during the Dreamgirls medley.  “She’s bee-yoo-tee-full,” cooed Kit.  Then when Beyonce came on, she said “Who’s that?”  When I told her who was who, she thought for a moment and declared that both were “bee-yoo-tee-full,” but Jennifer Hudson was the most “bee-yoo-tee-full.”

Or maybe it was the bag of gourmet caramel corn that ate during the show.  What the hell do they put in that stuff that makes it so you can’t stop eating it?

CONFIDENTIAL TO

:

I know you have no plan of moving to LA, but if you do, you could probably make a living off of people mistaking you for Jackie Earle Haley.  I’m not saying, I’m just saying.
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The Matrix trilogy

In my Hollywood travels, I am often asked to adapt this or that popular work of fantasy.  When doing this, what I need to do first is remove the metaphor and see if the story still works.

For instance:

A few years back, they asked me to adapt Osamu Tezuka’s Astroboy for the American movie screen.  The story of Astroboy is: a brilliant scientist’s son dies in a car wreck and so the brilliant scientist spends all his company’s money and resources to build a robot replica of the son.  The robot looks and acts like his little boy but, much to the scientist’s chagrin, does not grow.  Well of course it doesn’t grow, it’s a robot.  So the scientist, filled with rage and self-hatred (and not feeling quite so brilliant any more), sells the robot to a robot circus.

Now then: we don’t have little-boy robots in this world, so I had to think what Astroboy was a metaphor for.

What I came up with is this: a man has a son, and the son dies, so the man has another son, and is disappointed and outraged that the second son does not turn out to be a good replacement for the first son.  So he turns his back on the second son, unable to love him.

What would this spurned second son do?  He doesn’t know what he has done to incur his father’s disappointment.  He doesn’t even know that there was a first son.  The second son, it occurred to me, would do everything in his power in order to gain the thing that the first son got just by being born: his father’s love.  In the case of a real-life little boy, that would mean working hard, overcoming grief and hardship in order to become the best he could possibly be.  In the case of Astroboy, it would have to mean nothing less than saving the world from, I don’t know, a mad scientist’s evil robot or something.  Astroboy would have to become the most powerful entity on the planet, all in the hopes of gaining his father’s love.

Anyway, that’s how I got the job writing the Astroboy screenplay.  (That movie, the reader will surely be aware, didn’t get made.  Such is life.)

The Matrix has a wonderful, daring, innovative screenplay, a killer hook and a terrific metaphor.  (It also has probably the best tag-line I’ve ever heard in a movie trailer: Lawrence Fishburne intoning “Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what the Matrix is; you have to experience it for yourself.”) 

Neo is convinced that something is not right with this world.  That “something not right” turns out to be (spoiler alert) that the world we know is actually a vast computer simulation, created in order to distract us from the fact that we are actually living in tubs of pink goo and powering the machines that actually rule the world.

That’s the killer hook.  And you know what?  I’m going to bet that it turns out that, in reality, the world we know is not actually a vast computer simulation, and that we do not actually live in tubs of pink goo.  The Matrix, then, is the metaphor.

A metaphor for what?  Well, you know, the corporate machine, that all-consuming, media-driven monster that has us surrounded, gets us from every possible angle and keeps us so amused, confused and abused that we willingly give our lives to it.  That thing.  How shall we behave in this world?  How can we balance our desire to be free with our need to be a part of the world?  Can we “free our minds” from this pervasive corporate monster?  What happens if we “unplug” from the world?  What would we find “out there?”  Will we be happier?  These are the real, everyday, pertinent questions The Matrix had to offer its audience.

(This is the same metaphor used in the Alien movies, the corporate culture that would rather invite a rapacious, heartless monster intothe world rather than pass up an opportunity for profit.)

The good folks who made The Matrix, unsurprisingly, found themselves with a substantial hit on their hands and decided to make two more movies based in the same world back to back.  Why not?  The world created in The Matrix is fascinating and well-worth the time spent investigating it.  The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, while not as fluid dramatically as the first movie, are still visually stunning and philosophically complex.  The action sequences are nothing less than stupefying and the dense intellectual underpinnings are, well, they’re dense enough that this viewer has had to watch the movies three times in order to begin to grasp just what the hell some of the characters are talking about.

And there’s where I think the problem lies, why the second two movies fail to engage on the same level as the first.  The second two movies take place in a world so fascinating that the fimmakers decided to abandon their metaphor, and make a movie about the imaginary world.  Or rather, the filmmakers’ ambitions are so vast that they decided (or planned all along) to expand their metaphor of late-corporate media culture to include philosophical notions of the nature of human life so vast and complex that they appear to be all-but opaque, and certainly uncinematic.  To get around this problem, they include action sequences of mind-boggling immensity and plot twists startling in their ordinariness (the bumbling recruit who saves the day, the hot-shot pilot who bucks staggering odds to get her ship to dock, the Mexican standoff with the effete, sneering Frenchman).  The action sequences demand to be seen again and again, and in between one can begin to make sense of long, motionless scenes about “systemic anomalies.”

This is the same problem I have with Dune or Lord of the Rings — I can’t locate the metaphor in these works.  I know other people, many other people apparently, do not have this problem.  But as for me, I’m not interested in the vast complexity of an imaginary world, I’m interested in this world.  I attend a drama so that I might better understand how to live my life; what do the second two Matrix movies offer in this regard?
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