In happier news —
Jack White and Alicia Keyes have recorded the under-the-titles song for the new James Bond movie, and you can here it here. It crunches. Duran Duran are running for the hills, a-ha hang their heads in shame and even Shirley Bassey is checking over her shoulder as this Bond-a-riffic juggernaut comes trundling down the pike.
Bush’s speech, translated
This is a pivotal moment for America’s economy.
SOMEBODY TOLD ME I HAD TO GET UP AND SAY SOMETHING. SO HERE I AM.
Problems that originated in the credit markets — and first showed up in the area of subprime mortgages —
PROBLEMS THAT ORIGINATED IN MY OWN ECONOMIC POLICIES, AND IN LEGISLATION DEVISED BY PHIL GRAMM, JOHN McCAIN’S ECONOMIC ADVISER —
— have spread throughout our financial system.
THE BILL FOR EIGHT YEARS OF FEEDING AT THE TROUGH HAS COME DUE A LITTLE SOONER THAN I HAD HOPED IT WOULD. MY SOLUTION IS TO RE-FILL THE TROUGH WITH A TRILLION DOLLARS OF TAXPAYER’S MONEY — OH, NOT WEALTHY TAXPAYERS’ MONEY, THAT WOULD BE SOCIALISM.
This has led to an erosion of confidence that has frozen many financial transactions, including loans to consumers and to businesses seeking to expand and create jobs.
NOBODY COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT RATS WOULD FLEE A SINKING SHIP.
As a result, we must act now to protect our nation’s economic health from serious risk.
AS A RESULT, WE MUST ACT NOW TO PROTECT REPUBLICANS’ CHANCES OF RE-ELECTION IN NOVEMBER, OTHERWISE I MIGHT BE CHARGED WITH WAR CRIMES, AND I DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.
There will be ample opportunity to debate the origins of this problem.
ANYBODY WHO TRIES TO PIN THIS ON ME WILL BE SMEARED AS A TRAITOR.
Now is the time to solve it.
NOW IS THE TIME TO PUT A BANDAID ON IT AND HOPE THAT KEEPS PEOPLE HAPPY UNTIL THE SECOND WEEK OF NOVEMBER.
In our nation’s history, there have been moments that require us to come together across party lines to address major challenges. This is such a moment.
BEND OVER.
_________________________
It goes on, but you get the idea.
Monsters! Creature from the Black Lagoon
WHAT DOES THE PROTAGONIST WANT? David Reed is an ichthyologist with a hot tip: the skeleton arm of a heretofore unknown creature from the Devonian age has been unearthed somewhere near the Amazon River. Investigation of the find leads him to the legendary Black Lagoon, where, it turns out, the selfsame Devonian creature stilllives. Reed wants to study the creature in its natural environment. He is opposed in this pursuit by fellow scientist Mark Williams, who wants to kill it, haul it back to America and make big bucks. David is either compromised in his pursuit by the presence of winsome Kay Lawrence or encouraged by it, depending on his mood.
WHO IS THE MONSTER? The titular Creature opposes David in his pursuit in the strongest possible terms. On the other hand, it also seems to have the hots for Kay, which compromises its position. In this way, the creature is a dark reflection of David.
WHAT IS THE WARNING? Creatures from the Devonian age are better left in the Devonian age, and we would do well to leave them alone. Take heed, world! On a subtextual level, the warning seems to have more to do with mixing business and pleasure, more on which to come.