Weekend news

They hijacked his country.  They destroyed his civil rights.  They killed thousands of his citizens in a war based on lies. 

They forgot one thing —

He has a blog.

To Matthew Dowd: Good for you. And let me add: asshole. You want praise for quitting Bush’s team after helping get him installed in the White House?  Twice?  Fuck you. Next time, try clubbing baby seals for eight years before suddenly looking up and saying “Hey! This isn’t fair to the baby seals!” you’ll get more sympathy from me. Werner Von Braun is a better example than you.

To Chocolate Jesus Guy: shame on the people who cancelled your show. I get it: a chocolate Jesus on display during Easter. Makes total sense. Good for you. Not even a new idea: Tom Waits did it a long time ago. As have others. In any case, good job standing up to the flamboyantly anti-Christian Christian bully. It is my most devout wish that people in his organization would take a look at the precepts of their faith and kick his ass out to the street.

To John McCain: you’ve lost. You’ve already lost. You’re not going to get to be president. Just go home. Thank you for the service to your country. You’re done: retire. Walking around Baghdad with an armored vest, 100 men and five helicopters looks worse than Dukakis in the tank. Anything you do from now on is farce. Forget about it. Walk away.  (Oh, and apparently six more soldiers were killed minutes after you left.  Were any of them in your honor guard?  Did you endanger their lives by going to Iraq?)

To Alberto Gonzales: Guess what? You are America’s Premier Law-Enforcement Officer. It might be a good idea to not show utter contempt for the law. It kind of sets a bad precedent.  Not that you would care: you’re a stupid, evil little man.

To George W. Bush: good idea not showing up to throw out the first pitch today. In fact, it might be a good idea to not go out in public at all for the next couple of years. Or, as far as I’m concerned, for the rest of you sorry, stinking life. You suck.

Oh, and thanks for getting rid of that whole terrorism thing. That was a big help.