Weekend news

They hijacked his country.  They destroyed his civil rights.  They killed thousands of his citizens in a war based on lies. 

They forgot one thing

He has a blog.

To Matthew Dowd: Good for you. And let me add: asshole. You want praise for quitting Bush’s team after helping get him installed in the White House?  Twice?  Fuck you. Next time, try clubbing baby seals for eight years before suddenly looking up and saying “Hey! This isn’t fair to the baby seals!” you’ll get more sympathy from me. Werner Von Braun is a better example than you.

To Chocolate Jesus Guy: shame on the people who cancelled your show. I get it: a chocolate Jesus on display during Easter. Makes total sense. Good for you. Not even a new idea: Tom Waits did it a long time ago. As have others. In any case, good job standing up to the flamboyantly anti-Christian Christian bully. It is my most devout wish that people in his organization would take a look at the precepts of their faith and kick his ass out to the street.

To John McCain: you’ve lost. You’ve already lost. You’re not going to get to be president. Just go home. Thank you for the service to your country. You’re done: retire. Walking around Baghdad with an armored vest, 100 men and five helicopters looks worse than Dukakis in the tank. Anything you do from now on is farce. Forget about it. Walk away.  (Oh, and apparently six more soldiers were killed minutes after you left.  Were any of them in your honor guard?  Did you endanger their lives by going to Iraq?)

To Alberto Gonzales: Guess what? You are America’s Premier Law-Enforcement Officer. It might be a good idea to not show utter contempt for the law. It kind of sets a bad precedent.  Not that you would care: you’re a stupid, evil little man.

To George W. Bush: good idea not showing up to throw out the first pitch today. In fact, it might be a good idea to not go out in public at all for the next couple of years. Or, as far as I’m concerned, for the rest of you sorry, stinking life. You suck.

Oh, and thanks for getting rid of that whole terrorism thing. That was a big help.
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26 Responses to “Weekend news”
  1. Anonymous says:

    The Choc. Jesus Guy was a convergence of so many errors occuring at once, it was art in that respect at least. I think it was some kind of trick to show the so-called official Catholic reaction in the press, which I can only paraphrase this morning: we’re the religion that’s always being persecuted! Try doing this with Muslims, try doing this with Martin Luther King (the examples used, Muslims and African American, as if to tie them subtly together).

    Having said that, the work was not only a bad parody of artworld pasts, from the Piss-Christ to the Dead-Kennedy’s chocolate biafra starving child cover, and even Britney giving birth in some inane way, they couldn’t defend why naked, why in a HOTEL WINDOW, and why at Easter time. Just “oh that was what was offered.” Losers.

    Now, a MELTING CHOCOLATE JESUS – that’s got potential.

    • Todd says:

      I believe it was National Lampoon who did the chocolate starving kid, not the Dead Kennedys.

      The only thing I know about the Chocolate Jesus guy is that in his interview with Anderson Cooper, he looked like the reasonable man, while the official “representative of decency” came off as exactly what he is: a gloating, obnoxious, hate-filled bully.

      I mean Christ (sorry), Donohue wants this artwork to be exhibited in SoHo! Everyone knows all the respectable galleries in New York are in Chelsea.

      • Anonymous says:

        Was that Lampoon? Make sense – well, DKs aren’t off. If man-of-the-arts Donahue says SoHo then surely he means SoHo, like, in the lobby of the Soho Grand.

  2. divalea says:

    I heart you today, Todd.

    • Todd says:

      I heart you every day, Lea. I’m glad the re-building is coming along. I wish Ikea could build their own damn furniture.

      • divalea says:

        I wish their instructions warned about other pieces in other packages. It’s as if DC Comics wrote them–it’s furniture crossover.

        And: Aw, shucks!

  3. greyaenigma says:

    It might be a good idea to not show utter contempt for the law.

    But… that’s how he got the job.

  4. teamwak says:

    Poor chocolate-Jesus guy. You guys let Madonna-and-child-with-elephant-shit guy show his picture http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/461632.stm

    Gonzalez leaves a genuine bad taste in the mouth. Choosing to say its not my fault because I didnt know! What about personal responsibilty for your department? The buck-stops-here? Ineffectual non-entity!

    And poor McCain. He sounded so nice and reasonable for a time. Then he spoke at Jerry Falwells university. Fucking sell-out. Thems some scary folk!

    PS. The UK showed a documantary last night by Loius Theroux http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Theroux . It was called the Most Hated Family In America http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6507971.stm and was all about the Rev(!) Phelps and his Westboro Babtist Church. It was one of the most shocking docs I have ever seen. The distaste as they stood outside soldiers funerals saying God Hates Troops, God Hates Fags. Theyre view is that America worships their troops as idols. Its when they drag their children to hold these placards. Louis is excellent at showing the hypocracy of their views. The kids didnt even understand why they hated some people. One kid says “God hates America because America is full of fags and dykes” The boy didnt know what Fag or Dykes meant. Drivers were driving passed them and screeching to a halt and abusing them. Some drivers even threw things at them. A drink full of ice was thrown at them and it hit a seven year old in the head whilst Louis was filming them.

    It was a truely shocking doc about some really hateful people. Louis framed it really well as he showed the mother of one of the killed soldiers gracefully explaining to a local news outlet what her son had hoped to achieve by his service, and how she respected his sacrifice as something he believed in, even if she was broken by his death.

    All the church was genuinley pleased when anyone died, or the thought of everyone but them going to hell (including Louis); as they are told all Gods judgements are to be praised. So 9/11 is a judgement as is the deaths of soldiers, so as it is Gods work then it is pleasing to the eye. To see the children smiling at the thought of Louis going to Hell was disturbing.

    Evil hate-filled man, and now an evil-hate filled family.

    • Anonymous says:

      I knew Louis Theroux could take a lot of crazy, but now he’s outdone himself. I mean, where does he go from here?

    • Todd says:

      If it makes you feel any better about our benighted country, I’ve never heard of these Phelps people. I dare say they do not represent the majority view here.

      • teamwak says:

        All I felt was sorry for America last night. This is the ultimate price of Freedom of Speech. Contrasted by the dignity of the bereaved family, the Westboro Babtist Church came off as the ultimate losers here. All the children had no friends outside the family and all had given up the hope/right of ever meeting anyone and having a family. They genuinly believe they are living in the End Of Days.

        But CNN and Fox were both interviewing them outside the church, and I had come across the websites Godhatesfags and godhatessweeden (dont ask) before. They have an active webmaster who knows how to get his stuff outthere.

      • greyaenigma says:

        Just the view of the people in charge…

      • robolizard says:

        They threatened to come to my hometown once to protest a production of ‘The Laramie Project’. We came prepared for battle, but they never arrived. Hate mongering is difficult work, and he was just not up to the task today.

  5. urbaniak says:

    Normally if you talked about Matthew Dowd that way he’d make sure your ass would be dead as fuckin’ fried chicken but you happened to pull this shit while he’s in a transitional period.

    Dowd famously wrote a memo to Karl Rove where he said polling indicated that they had a better chance of winning in ’04 if they concentrated on appealing to hardline Republicans rather than swing voters. Hence the inherently divisive and polarizing “play to the base” strategy. And now he is shocked, shocked that Bush has failed to reach across the political divide and is ignoring the will of the people. If he really wants to repent he should stay in this country and put his expertise into keeping the Republicans out of power for a very long time instead of wandering the earth like Caine in “Kung Fu.”

    • mcbrennan says:

      No, no. You’re thinking of “Hong Kong Phooey”. Common mistake.

      None of these people want to repent, they’re just stepping a few paces back from the stink. Their mea culpas will cease the minute positive poll numbers coalesce around whoever the GOP nominee is. If that day ever comes.

      This response would have made more sense were it not 6am.

  6. mcbrennan says:

    I think the Catholic League was just mad that Jesus wasn’t made of white chocolate.

    Without trespassing on Boocock territory, I don’t think George W. Bush should be allowed inside a major league ballpark no matter what his poll numbers. When he owned the Rangers he was worse for the game than BALCO, the designated hitter and severed-head-cryogenics combined.