“Miss Watkins, help! I’m stuck in a prototypical New Yorker
cartoon and I can’t think of any witty, ironic thing to say.”
The “Cow Over Moon” Experiment
click for larger view
Now that science has proven that the cat does not actually play the fiddle, as many have surmised, but was merely seen near the fiddle at the time of the mysterious cutlery disappearance (CAT + FIDDLE), we now turn our attention to the heretofore long-considered “hyperbolic” or “hallucinogenic” passage concerning the “cow” that “jumped over the moon.” Looking at the above diagram, it is readily apparent that the vantage point of the LITTLE DOG (a) with regards to the COW (b) is so low, especially in relation to the surrounding horizon, and the COW so near to the LITTLE DOG, that the cow would only need to “jump” four or five feet into the air in order for the LITTLE DOG to perceive it as having jumped “over the MOON”(c). Similar unexpected juxtaposed images of dairy animals and celestial bodies have produced laughter not only in “little dogs” but in the larger breeds as well in laboratory settings (see Goose et alia, Cow, Moon, Dish, Spoon, pp 321-449, op. Cit.).
Feeder Birds
One of my least-known side projects is a graphic novel I’ve been steadily working on for about five years now called Feeder Birds.
A while back, I had a house in upstate New York. There was a nice back porch (the “sun room”) where you could sit and read and watch wild animals gambol through the back yard, deer and squirrels and even the occasional bobcat.
We hung up a bird feeder, and over the course of a lazy weekend I would watch the birds at the feeder and draw little sketches of them.
The behavior of these birds shocked me. They weren’t friendly or chipper or pretty. They were mean, vicious, cutthroat bastards clearly descended from the dinosaurs. They fought amongst themselves over primacy of the feeder and brutally devoured everything in sight.
An idea started to slowly seep into my brain to tell a serious, complex gangster saga, but instead of making it about Italian Americans in Little Italy, do it with these birds at the feeder upstate.
And hereis some of our cast.
FROM TOP:
CARDINAL is the leader of the gang. Months back, he freed the feeder from the clutches of the evil Squirrel gang and was unanimously chosen as leader. Since then, he has discovered a way to ferment suet, which creates a substance he calls “Numbskull.” He trades Numbskull to the local sparrows (the sparrows are the “civilians”) in exchange for regular birdseed. The Numbskull trade is so successful that within months Cardinal controls every scrap of birdseed in the neighborhood. The power this affords him is a great pleasure, but it also carries with it much trouble and responsibility, some times too much for a simple bird to bear.
DOVEY is Cardinal’s wife. Dovey used to be married to Woody (a Woodpecker), a straight-arrow bug-eater and all-around nice guy. But Cardinal wanted her, so he took her. He had his two most vicious thugs go to her house, gouge out Woody’s eyes and peck him full of holes. Then he swooped in to “save” her, providing her with food and shelter, and a daily supply of Numbskull to calm her shattered nerves. Now she’s hooked on the stuff and unable to function without it.
FLICKER is Cardinal’s best friend from childhood. Capable of eating both bugs and seed, he’s not really a feeder bird. He doesn’t indulge in the brutal strongarm tactics of Cardinal’s gang, but nor does he turn his back on his friends. His complicated loyalties will eventually get him into deep trouble.
CHICK is Cardinal’s major enforcer. Not the smartest of birds, he has a quick temper and a foul mouth. He explodes at the slightest provocation and will take on a bird of any size.
TUFTY is a mere child. He worships the Feeder Birds for their style, high-living and strength. When he grows up, he wants to be a vicious thug just like them. His looks and ambition make him a valuable asset to the gang. He can get to places that others cannot and his loyalty to Cardinal is boundless.
JUNKO is a lesbian soldier, Chick’s second-in-command. She’s quite a bit smarter than Chick but no less efficient in her duties as an enforcer. Chick has carried a torch for Junko for quite some time, a fact that Junko has heretofore been blissfully unaware of.
COWBIRD is a psychopath. He’s not an enforcer, he’s a maniac. Unable to speak properly due to the seething rage he carries within his heart at all times, he merely waits trembling and twitching for the opportunity to once again unleash his fury upon whatever happens to be in his way at the moment.
STARLING is Cowbird’s minder and the only bird who can understand his twitching, growling murmurs. He is always at Cowbird’s side, ready to back him up in a fight and lend his muscle to the fray.
MR. GROSBEAK is the leader of a rival gang, the Finches, who have always ruled the adjoining neighborhood. Grosbeak does not desire warfare, but if Cardinal expands too far into his territory he will be forced into conflict. He is old, wise and completely amoral. He’s seen a dozen birds like Cardinal come and go and knows every trick in the book.
I’ve been developing these characters and their story off and on for 
r_sikoryak‘s Carousel slide shows. For the next presentation (Chapter 5, Part I — December 7, buy your tickets now!) I am taking the big jump into learning Photoshop. These images were drawn using a Wacom tablet, a device brand-new to me. They have almost none of the depth or nuance of my regual pencil-and-paper drawings, but one must start somewhere.
Character Design, part II: The Comics
What is it? What makes these two guys so bewitching? Is it their trenchcoats? Is it their grace and skill? Their evident cool in the face of extreme danger? Their animal-like nature?
Or is it the talent of the artists, the quality of the line, the starkness of the lighting, the mastery of the shading? Is it that both figures, although hefty with three-dimensional weight and mass, also paradoxically border upon complete abstraction, a collection of shapes and shadows?
In my daily life I have no interest in thugs or demons and my idea of a personal hero is someone like Thurston Moore, but these two big lugs consistently make me want to stop what I’m doing, take a load off and look at some comic books.
Xmen: The Last Stand
I dunno, I loved it. Am I crazy?
I know there are many out there who found this movie sadly lacking. I’m not sure what they were expecting.
Maybe all the bad reviews lowered my expectations, but I had a whale of a time. Feel free to tell me why you didn’t like it.
And, just so no one’s hands are tied, SPOILER ALERT.
UPDATE: It seems that a lot of people, not so much here as elsewhere on the internet, hate Brett Ratner. Is there something I’m missing? Did he kill someone’s father? Many people, it seems, went into the movie already hating it because it was Ratner instead of Bryan Singer, as though Singer is some kind of dynamic Francis Coppola-level visionary and Ratner is some kind of soulless Guy Hamilton-level hack. ‘Sup with that?