Synopses of movies I haven’t seen, based only on their posters: Swing Vote

Based on the font and the logo design, I would guess that Swing Vote is some kind of high-protein diet shake, like Ensure. The words “Swing Vote” imply something having to do with national politics and something having to do with easy sex. The picture of Kevin Costner, on the other hand, connotes neither. Instead, it says, “Come see Swing Vote — Kevin Costner is in it, and he would be oh so happy if you did. Why look, he’s turning on the charm. He’s even got all dressed up for you in his ratty faded t-shirt and his backwards baseball cap, and gone a month without shaving.”

So I’m guessing that Swing Vote is about a middle-aged man who has trouble finding the time to eat right, who turns to diet shakes and national politics to help him dress better and learn to shave.hitcounter

Oh, and there are some tiny other people in the movie.


20 Responses to “Synopses of movies I haven’t seen, based only on their posters: Swing Vote”
  1. stormwyvern says:

    Quite intriguing, though I’m hoping you’ll be returning to your thoughts on that movie that you have seen in the near future.

  2. I feel like I’ve seen the trailer for Swing Vote about fifty times already.

  3. selectnone says:

    Is it a baseball movie? With a baseballing president?
    I think that involves swinging, and it would explain the hat.
    I don’t like sports movies, I refuse to watch this.

  4. tawdryjones says:

    Oh! I thought it was a sequel to Bull Durham!

  5. zodmicrobe says:

    it’s hilarious they give stanley tucci more play in the tv ads than costner

  6. r_sikoryak says:

    The poster hasn’t convinced me to see this movie, but now I want a vanilla shake.

  7. May as well break the ice with juvenile tagline suggestions:

    Which way will you…swing?

  8. papajoemambo says:

    From what I can gather from the trailer, you’re not that far off…

    It’s looking like Bull Durham is the last American to vote and now Snotty Would-Be PresidentsTM are begging him to make up his mind – they will make it “worth his while”.

    I betcha he doesn’t vote and the Snotty Would-Be PresidentsTM shake their fists at him like the kind of Bad MenTM that you’d see in Disney movies in the 70s (usually played by Cesar Romero, or Dick Van Patten or Keenan Wynn with Dick Bakalyan as “Cookie” their (wink)not-mob-related-but-visibly-Italian henchman) and he’ll drive away with Susan Sarandon to a soaring Jennifer Warnes or Carly Simon love theme in a beat up old pick-up truck and instead of saying “Somebody – stop those kids!!” the Bad MenTM will throw their hats down on the ground and the Bad MenTM will be forced to “eat his dust” as he gives the audience a thumbs up from out the window in a long-shot that eventually clears a rustic hill and the truck and the picture fade into nothing at the same time.

    Maybe the love theme that’s there is Rod Stewart singing someone else’s Oldies hit again.

    That’s what I bet.

  9. monica_black says:

    Seeing that poster and thinking about diet shakes made me feel bad about eating a bunch of M&Ms.

    Poor Nathan Lane and Stanley Tucci. They’re both tiny people.

  10. craigjclark says:

    By the way, this is apropos of nothing, but my copy of the new Criterion edition of Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters arrived this week and the thing is beautiful. The packaging alone makes it worth picking up. And the film itself is breathtaking. I can see myself getting lost in its startling imagery a hundred times over.

    • Todd says:

      I had the privilege of getting lost in its startling imagery a hundred times over when I managed the movie theater where it played in New York in 1985. It turned me on to Mishima and the opening titles made me an instant Philip Glass fan for life. My copy of the new Criterion release is on its way (I couldn’t buy the last release — it didn’t have the Roy Scheider narration), and I’m occupying myself in the meantime with the new High and Low DVD.

      • craigjclark says:

        I picked up High and Low as well (and was quite pleased that Amazon got it to me on its release day). It’s probably my favorite of Kurosawa’s modern-day films, so that was essentially a gimme. Now if only Criterion would get around to putting out a remastered edition of The Hidden Fortress

  11. mikeyed says:

    Wow, i didn’t realize you could still do that nowadays, just slap Kevin Costner on a movie poster and expect it to sell.

    I always thought of him as a sleazy Don Johnson.

    • Todd says:

      That’s what worries me, that they thought “Hey, Kevin Costner, a font that will offend no one, up against The Dark Knight and The Mummy III, can’t miss!”