roller-coasters
The whole family went recently to Legoland. Everyone had a wonderful time. Kit (6) discovered the thrill and terror of roller-coasters, a thrill and terror Sam (8) is not quite ready for, in spite of being 18 months older than Kit. Kit rode with me on The Dragon six times, and Coaster-Saurus once with her mother.
Last night, I read Roller Coaster by Marla Frazee to the kids, which they both enjoyed quite a bit, and the following conversation ensued.
KIT. I LOVE roller-coasters!
TODD. I know you do.
SAM. (a little fearful) Do I have to ever ride a roller-coaster?
TODD.No. You never have to ride a roller-coaster. There is only one power on Earth that can compel you to ride a roller-coaster, and that is: a pretty teen-age girl.
(KIT lights up at this idea. SAM, not so much.)
KIT. (excited) REALLY?
SAM. (fearful) Really? How?
TODD. (to SAM) One day, you’ll be a teenage boy, and you’ll be at an amusement park with a bunch of your friends, and a pretty teenage girl will say "Will you go on a roller-coaster with me?" and you will have no choice — you will have to go.
SAM. Really?
TODD. Absolutely.
KIT. WOW! Will that happen to ME?
TODD. Well, for you it will be different. One day, you’ll be a pretty teenage girl, and you’ll be at an amusement park with a date, and you’ll want him to feel all confident and strong, and you’ll say "Will you please protect me from the big scary roller-coaster?" and inside you’ll be thinking "Yeah!"
(This very much strikes Kit’s fancy. She immediately tries it out.)
KIT. "Will you protect me from the big scary roller-coaster?" "Yeah!" (She falls down laughing.) Will that really happen to me?
TODD. Kit, I promise you, you are going to have more boyfriends than you can shake a stick at.
SAM. Then why don’t you just take two sticks?
!! He has thwarted centuries of frustration of our brightest minds by suddenly inventing the TWO-STICK solution. Quick, Smithers: get my patent attorney on line one!
(wonderful).
-Marco
I’m on the “this is complete garbage and I should probably start the whole thing over” draft of an article so I could use a good laugh. Thank you.
Feel free to tell Sam that I am probably many years his senior and I am still not ready for roller coasters. Neither is my husband.
Why doesn’t anyone ever just use two sticks?
People, it starts at two sticks, but then it’s three, five, ten, twenty sticks a person! All being shook like some sort of epileptic hedgehog! It’s MAD but with sticks instead of nukes!
I guess “That’s more epileptic hedgehogs than you can shake twenty-seven sticks at” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
There is only one power on Earth that can compel you to ride a roller-coaster, and that is: a pretty teen-age girl.
.
..
… I wish that weren’t true, but yes.
… ah.
unless kit decides she likes pretty teenage girls better, of course? or that she doesn’t feel like buying into the rescued princess routine?
A father can only hope.
she sounds like a firecracker, anyway. 🙂
Two sticks. Haha, I can’t stop laughing at the pure ingenuity of that kid.
Until all sides are willing to sit at the table, engage in an honest, open dialogue and be willing to make some compromises there’s no point in even discussing a two-stick solution.
I’m with Sam there. Although the one time I went o a roller coaster, it was actually because I was looking after my little sister. I still don’t know what I was thinking.
Happened to me once
There were two of us guys, and one pretty girl that night. He was all bluster, big car, big money, big showoff. Even worse? She was buying his crap and it was driving me crazy.
Then she saw the roller coaster. Said she wanted to go on and he hesitated. I didn’t, and he ended up in the car behind us alone. Seething as she grabbed my arm, put it around her, and hid her eyes. Squealed and turned to me as I laughed my most carefree-sounding laugh. We got off and did it again. And again. He just sat them out.
He never regained his momentum. That night, he lost the girl. That night, for once, I didn’t.
I remember being a young guy going on rides that my older sister wouldn’t. Thinking back now, I think it’s because all I saw was a fun time, and I didn’t think of anything that could go wrong. I think she started to feel the fear at her age.
I just remembered that I compelled someone to take his first roller-coaster ride. It was the Cyclone, and we were in our late 20s.
–Ed.
I disagree. The potential shame of having a much younger family member willing to go on a thrill ride when you’re too chicken (forever labeling you as a total wuss) is a powerful motivator.
Very cute – particularly the two stick suggestion – although since many rides seem to have been designed as if it isn’t fun unless riders risk internal injuries, I can certainly sympathize with roller-coaster wariness.