George W. Bush: worse than a William Morris agent.

Let me be the first to say it: this man is a dangerous retard.

Many years ago, I had an agent at William Morris. He was an idiot. Literally everything he did, and everything he advised me to do, was bad for my career. Oh the stories I could tell. He botched deals, angered producers, over-sold me, under-sold me, advised me against every good lead I found, actively sabotaged my projects, and once negotiated a deal on the behalf of the producer optioning my material instead of on the behalf of his client (me). Our partnership ended when I brought his behavior to the attention of his superiors in Los Angeles.

It took me a long time to figure out just how bad at his job he was (one of his tactics was to make me feel like I was a moron and a failure, and, being new to the business I had no reason to doubt his opinion), but I finally did.

And then one day he called and said there was a lady visiting New York from Hollywood and she wanted to have a general meeting with me.

ME. A “general meeting,” what does that mean exactly?
IDIOT. She just wants to sit down and get to know you a little bit.
ME. So, should I have a pitch ready for her or anything?
IDIOT. Oh, heavens no, that would be the absolute wrong thing to do, please don’t do that.

I hung up the phone, sat down and, straight-away, wrote out pitches for five movies.

A few days later, I went to meet the lady from Hollywood at the William Morris offices. We met, shook hands and were shown into a conference room. Before she had even sat down, she said “So. Tell me an idea for a movie.” Luckily, I had listened carefully to my idiot agent’s advice and so proceeded to do the exact opposite thing, so I was prepared to pitch a whole bunch of stuff to the lady from Hollywood. That lady was Nina Jacobson, and that meeting, probably the most productive and important business meeting of my life, ended with our friendship beginning, and thenceforth to me having a real career in motion pictures.

My point is, I think we’ve reached that point with president Bush.

I think we’ve reached the point, at least two years gone now, where all we really need to do is, when we read a headline like “Bush Insists Al Qaeda in Iraq Threatens U.S.”, we can just go ahead and assume that Al Qaeda in Iraq does not threaten the US. And yet, the New York Times runs the headline they do, rather than post the more accurate “Power-drunk Man-child Babbles Incoherently Regarding Things He Knows Nothing About.” Why give the man any respect at all? Why is it that I, with no journalistic or poli-sci background whatsoever, can better see what this administration is doing than the editorial staff of the New York Times?

It’s simply exhausting, with this administration, to keep one’s level of outrage going. Watching Z the other night with

 , I kept thinking — “is this what it’s going to take, are Bush and Cheney going to have to actually murder their opposition leaders anyone says “Hey, what’s the deal with that President Bush guy?” before people will starting paying attention? Will Nancy Pelosi have to be clubbed to death by thugs hired by Cheney before people will begin to sense there is something going horribly wrong in this country? Will Al Gore have to be gagged and thrown into the back of a van and whisked off into the night before anyone notices that we’re not living in a democracy any more? (Note — the folks in Z, it should be noted, get away with murdering their opposition leaders, and a lot more other people too).

Here’s some headlines from just today:

Gonzales lets slip that there are other domestic spy programs, in addition to, you know, tapping everyone’s phones.

Gee, somehow, no matter what, oil prices just keep going up. Funny how that works.

You know how we said the surge was “a last chance?” Well, we had our fingers crossed. Suckers!

And, finally:

Bush’s lawyer vigorously defends Bush’s right to crush boys’ testicles if he wants to.

Now there’s a real measure of scary.  Just think: Bush is willing to go on public record insisting has the right to crush boys’ testicles.  Now imagine the stuff he doesn’t want us to know about

The saddest thing about the administration, of course, is that they don’t even have a plan for what happens after they’re gone. They don’t see how, for example, when their party inevitably falls from power, all their dismantling of the constitution will still be in effect, and will inevitably be used against them by their successors. They honestly haven’t thought that far, all their energy has been toward simply accruing as much power for themselves as possible, making a ton of money and screwing everyone.

I think the sooner we start treating Bush and his administration as I treated my idiot agent, the sooner we’ll all have the best, most productive meeting of our lives.

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19 Responses to “George W. Bush: worse than a William Morris agent.”
  1. dougo says:

    And yet, the New York Times runs the headline they do

    At least they went with “Bush insists”, which keeps an arm’s length between them and the thing he is insisting. It might be more accurate to say “pretends” or “imagines”, but that would be less politic.

    Will Nancy Pelosi have to be clubbed to death by thugs hired by Cheney before people will begin to sense there is something going horribly wrong in this country?

    I think 70%+ of the people already begin to sense this, but it’s only up to about 55% of Congress (and 44% of the Supreme Court), which isn’t enough.

    • Anonymous says:

      Nancy Pelosi by the numbers

      And the problem is that at least 45% of Congress and 56% of the Supreme Court want her to be clubbed to death.

  2. seamusd says:

    We reached “that point” with Bush in the spring of 2001, but very few people realized it at the time. If we had the power to do the opposite of everything he suggested, proposed, or advised over the last seven years, we would all be a lot better off!

    • Todd says:

      May I assume from your avatar that you’ve read my analysis of The Big Lebowski?

      • seamusd says:

        Say what you will about the tenants of National Socialism, but at least it was an ethos.

        No, may you direct me to it? It is a truly great film.

      • seamusd says:

        Having seen the film more than 20 times, memorized much of the dialogue, and discussed its nuances and twists with many other dudes, I think your analysis is a sound one. It’s a post-modern manifesto in that it is derivative of everything but ultimately says nothing. And it is heavy with symbolism. Most of the post-war American cultural movements are touched on: vietnam, feminism, watergate, elvis, porn, seventies ketch, mtv, warhol’s factory, the counter-culture, strip-mall culture, reaganism, and on and on. I think Donny is an important character in that his cluelessness symbolizes the disengagement of the masses. I think the tumbleweed is actually the Cowboy–recall the end of the opening, just before the Dude appears, when the tumbleweed surveys the vista of L.A. And like a good noir, the dialogue drive the film and elevates tremendously. And I can understand why the film had to grow on you. I immediately identified with the Dude and thought him a brilliant parody, and anti-hero supreme (and Jeff Bridges’s finest performance). But many would find him just a glorified loser. Thanks for the link, and for your thoughts on one of my favorite movies. But I like almost all of the Coen Brothers’ films. Barton Fink is another favorite.

  3. noskilz says:

    My impression of most of this administration’s recent antics is that they will say or do anything they have to keep the dog and pony show running until the next guy takes office, and then it’s his problem – unless someone can call them on it in a legally binding way. In Gonzales’ congressional testimony over the last year,he’s been doing everything but demanding that they impeach him. It hardly seems Gonzales is even making an effort at subterfuge anymore(not that he was very good at it in earlier appearances.)

    It remains to be seen whether congress will finally come to grips with fact that Bush will ignore them – and he has told them as much – unless they force the matter, but that will also require a number of republicans who have talked a good game to actually follow through with votes, which to date all but one or two have refused to.

    Everything this administration has touched the last six years has turned to crap, and it doesn’t look like they are any better at planning cover-ups than the initial execution – however, they have been busy stacking the supreme court, courts and the justice department, which appears to have paid off in the past and may yet again.

    • Todd says:

      At this point it would not surprise me if Gonzalez stood up in the Senate hearing, whipped out his dick and pissed all over the table. And all the committee members would gasp and claim outrage, and he would smirk and walk out the door and the next day Bush would say that he’s “more confident than ever” about his attorney general’s ability to run the Justice Department, and that would be the end of it.

  4. greyaenigma says:

    He’s scarcely worth half an Agent 86.

    Somehow, with the help of Bin Laden, Bush/Cheney have managed to tap deeply into both “my country, right or wrong” and the concept of the commander in chief being the US personified. Most mysteriously, they’ve somehow managed to asociate themselves only with the positive and distance the negative. Democrats voicing an opinion is “partisanship” and “divisive politics”, while Bush’s attempts to crush all opposition is “bringing the country together”.

    I was particularly struck by this hen I heard a commander in Iraq, who, after just insisting that he didn’t care what the politicians in Washington were saying, then repeated the neocon talking point of “We’re fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them at home.” I really, really wish the interviewer had pointed out that the State Department itself has discovered that the war has actually produced more terrorists than it’s gotten rid of.

  5. sheherazahde says:

    What I get for listening to Air America

    Incompetence is when one tries to do something and fails. The Neo-Cons are deliberately looting the government. They are succeeding at what they are intending to do.

  6. teamwak says:

    I thought you were joking!

    Cassel: If the President deems that he’s got to torture somebody, including by crushing the testicles of the person’s child, there is no law that can stop him?
    Yoo: No treaty.
    Cassel: Also no law by Congress. That is what you wrote in the August 2002 memo.
    Yoo: I think it depends on why the President thinks he needs to do that.


    I have to say the Harry Potter universe is beggining to bare some resemblance to Bushs administration. A rightwing government afraid of losing power. Political appointments over skilled appointments, spin over fact, sabotaging opponants, and blindly following a path all know to be wrong. All you need now is to find a Dark Lord has been manipulatng things from behind the scenes…

    My God, Dick Chaney is Lord Voldemort!


    • Todd says:

      Re: I thought you were joking!

      It’s easier than that, unfortunately. Cheney is Darth Sidious, Bush is Count Dooku. Cheney’s just waiting for the moment he can throw Bush under the bus and publicly assume the power he’s always had.

  7. naltrexone says:

    The link seems to be dead(ish)– not sure if it’s a temporary issue or not.

  8. ghostgecko says:

    Ever read Jared Diamond’s “Collapse” about the stupid things civilizations do tho cause their own extinction? It’s a good read but depressing as hell – I rather feel like that only dude on Easter Island saying, “Hey, I know the cheif says those great big heads make the gods really happy, but maybe we should leave a few trees up, guys, whaddya think?”

    • Todd says:

      I have not read Collapse, but I did read Jane Jacobs’s Dark Age Coming, which deals with our present situation not in theoretical terms but in cold hard facts.

      • ghostgecko says:

        Check it out if you get a chance. It’s a doorstop but an extremely engaging read, although it will leave you curled up in a corner, whimpering and sucking your thumb.