An idealist, but also a realist
MILFs and fishes.
A few days ago, I posted a snarky little piece on Sarah Palin. In it, I suggested that McCain, in giving Palin the VP slot on the GOP ticket, was rallying the far-right base by dangling the very real possibility of his imminent death in front of their hateful, blood-thirsty little eyes. To the left, I suggested, Palin is a veiled threat, but to the right she’s a coded promise.
The piece was intended as a kind of dark imagining of the far-right mind, satire, perhaps, if you will. Well, if there’s anything the past 8 years have taught me, the morning’s satire goes stale by lunchtime as the far right catches up to it and makes it news instead of comedy.
Jay Rogers, a real-life evangelical, has a website, The Forerunner, where he talks up Jesus. Part of the site is his weblog, where he talks about more political stuff. He’s supporting someone named Chuck Baldwin for president, which is his right and good for him.
The other day he published a piece on Sarah Palin. His only problem with Palin, it seems, is that she’s running for vice-president instead of president. If she were running for president, he’d toss his fave Chuck Baldwin overboard like week-old manna. Why does he like Palin? I’ll let him talk: "She’s pro-life and would work to overturn Roe v. Wade. She would lower taxes and return America to a supply-side free market in the philosophy of Adam Smith. She’s a strong Christian who isn’t afraid to confront moral issues and corruption in politics." Which, again, good for him. And, he seems to want to fuck her brains out. Which, okay, to each his own, I can think of worse reasons to vote for someone.
But, you know, there’s a problem. Palin, that fine, foxy, hypocritical, corrupt, book-banning, oil-money-loving Christianbabe is still anchored to that godless heathen McCain. What is a hateful, intolerant fundamentalist Christian to do? Luckily, Rogers has a "three point plan:"
1. Vote Constitution Party. (I vote my conscience and cannot support McCain even with Palin.)
2. Hope and pray for McCain/Palin to win. (I am an idealist, but also a realist!)
3. Pray for John McCain’s salvation and pray specific imprecatory prayers if he fails to pro-actively defend the sanctity of human life.
Huh. Funny thing about those "imprecatory prayers." There’s something a little threatening about that phrase. I wonder if there’s another meaning behind it? In fact, I wonder if there’s an earlier version of this column, posted but redacted, that might better clarify Rogers’ position? What? There is?
Ah, there it is: "Pray for John McCain’s salvation and speedy death." How very Christian.
I hate it when I’m right.
This original was, of course, scrubbed from Rogers’s site within hours, but speedy hands were able to recover it.
I knew that McCain was eager to rid himself of any shred of dignity he possessed in order to win this election, but even I would have thought he’d stop short of promising his own death to get votes. It seems there is no underestimating the man.
(If you would like more bile, there’s always Ixion, who goes so far as to stage an inspirational image of the assassination of John McCain. These are, seriously, the people McCain wants to vote for him — the ones who want him dead by the end of January 2009.)
h/t: Pharyngula, Archy, Voucher Ankles
I got to this sentence on the Ixion link:
However, I think that working to ban pornography, including obscene images of Mrs. Palin, should ensure that I do not fall for the lies of false erections.
And I thought this HAS TO BE a joke. But apparently not. (Also, I’ve decided to name my next band False Erections and our first album will be called The Lies Of.)
My favorite part is from the comments though:
However, it’s clear that God has chosen Sarah Palin to lead our coutry in the path of righteousness, and when you think about it, who else could have done it? Certainly not Chelsea Clinton, who I understand is a prostitute, and a Democrat besides.
If she was just a prostitute I would have voted for her, but she’s also a DEMOCRAT.
I have to go put my head down now.
Well great. Now I have no idea whether to laugh or cry or puke. Little help, Obama?
see Sarah Palin pictures
Thank you, Obama.
That’s great.
Is that David Bowie’s Area?
–Ed.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all to find that David Bowie’s area glows with a Hallelujah Light of Holyness, but that particular area is from Boku No Sexual Harrassment. Thanks, Japan! No one knows false erections like you do!
Brilliant detective work. I must reference this post in my political blogs. Well done!
-Marco
The detective work is Urbaniak’s. I don’t know how he does it, or where he finds the time.
Well, I just gave you the credit for it in my blog. I’d post a retraction–but no one ever reads those!
-Marco
Urbaniak supplied the detective work, but lacked the intestinal fortitude to post it, so the credit is mine. All mine!
http://www.opednews.com/articles/Anne-Kilkenny-Full-Email-o-by-Rady-Ananda-080906-230.html
Thought that might be a little interesting to you.
I work for the Obama campaign in my county-which is largely Republican and Christian-and today we did phone banking. I am not even exaggerating in the least bit when I say that I had several phone conversations along the lines of people voting for McCain because if he dies Palin will be President and make America right in God’s eyes.
Yeah. So sure was I that you were right–that these were exactly the thoughts of the Rovians–that the concept of sarcasm never even crossed my mind when reading your earlier post.
Imprecatory prayer? Jesus H. Christ. That’s pretty harsh.
My freak-out level continues to escalate.
–Ed.
So now, no matter who wins this election, the Secret Service is going to have to be on their toes?
That’s completely appalling. I’d dearly love to believe that Forerunner and Ixion are just trolls, but they seem to be deadly serious about what they’re saying – and allowing others to say on their blogs.
I give Ixion credit for expressing his convictions — there aren’t many columnists of any stripe who would enthusiastically admit to fantasizing about candidates while they masturbate.
The excuse they’ve been asking for
Since it came down to Obama or Clinton, I’ve felt we were doomed to a repeat of the 2000 election, where basically the urbanized coasts go for the Democrats and the heartland and the south go for the GOP. Most Americans may now be prepared to vote for a woman or a minorty, but the “solid south” and the rural north are not and they still have the electoral votes to carry the day.
It’s possible Obama got through during the convention and changed enough minds to win, but the minute Palin was picked, it was over. Experience and politics went straight out the window at that moment. Palin gives the bigots the perfect excuse to vote against the black guy: She’s “chosen by God.”
The entire electorate seems to think McCain’s days are numbered and by voting for him, they’re actually voting for her. Instinctively appreciating that she’s only here because of special circumstances (like Huckabee, she wouldn’t have survived the primaries), the “moral values” crowd see this as their one chance to force one of their own into office.
The bottom line is that closet racists can vote white and rest easy, knowing they have an explanation.
Re: The excuse they’ve been asking for
Or it will look something like 1992’s “It’s the economy…”. Will the culture war play with an electorate that is watching wall street crash and burn with many of them strapped into the passengers seat?
Generally, it’s unwise to bet against carelessness, apathy and obliviousness,but I think it unlikely the McPalin ticket will be able to overcome its combined baggage. We’ll just have to wait and see, but much of the anguished handwringing I’ve seen in blogs lately involves folks who analyze campaign minutiae the way aintitcoolnews pored over star wars prequel rumors. From past elections, it seems many won’t really take an interest until October and “undecided” sounds far more dignified than “couldn’t be bothered to do any legwork until the last minute.”
Re: The excuse they’ve been asking for
I have nothing to add to this discussion, but I do want to break in here for a moment to thank you for spelling “pored” correctly.
I’m all for exposing the wingnuts, but it’s pretty unfair to jump from “an evangelical prays for McCain’s death” to “McCain promises his own death”. Even as facetious hyperbole, it doesn’t really work.
A promise: McCain’s amorality, we will see by November, will far outstrip the most facetious hyperbole I could ever come up with.