Kids these days
(The TV room, afternoon. Kit (4) is watching The Fairly Oddparents. A commercial is playing.)
KIT: Stupid remote! Stupid! Dad! Da–ad!
(Dad enters.)
DAD: What’s up?
KIT: I can’t get the remote to work!
DAD: Let me see it.
(He takes the remote. It works fine.)
DAD: It works fine.
KIT: I mean it won’t work on this TV show! I can’t get it to start over, or skip the commercials, or pause when I need the bathroom!
DAD: Oh, well that’s because this is live TV. Here, see, when you press the “pause” button, the little box comes on in the corner that says “LIVE TV?” That’s what that means, it means that this is being broadcast right now, it’s not a recording, you can’t pause it or make it go back.
KIT: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I HATE LIVE TV!
I am pleased to announce…
…that for the first time in my experience, I was forced to cut down my votes for Best Screenplay to ten. In the past, I’ve always had to strain to find five original screenplays and five adapted screenplays worthy of nomination, often voting for the works of friends or writers I admire, even when I thought the actual script wasn’t very good. But this year I actually had to go through the list twice and painfully un-check three or four scripts from each category I would have gladly voted for in order to limit my votes to five apiece.
Naturally, I was limited to movies I have already seen. Sorry, Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. Next time send a screener.
Republicans have been getting a lot of stick lately for their so-called crimes. I mean, sure, they steal elections, gut the constitution they were sworn to uphold, start costly, unnecessary wars that throw nations into tumult, squander our nation’s reputation and kill hundreds of thousands of people in order to enrich themselves, loot the treasury, place bonehead incompetents in high positions of power and influence, shoot men in the face then demand they apologize, cackle at the destruction of American cities, flout the Geneva Convention, politicize religion, children and anything else they think will benefit them, hypocritically pass anti-gay legislation while acting as closet gays, disregard the Bill of Rights in order to erode whatever civil liberties they think will gain them more power, but at least no one can say that a Republican would torture a stray dog, hang it by its neck over a tree limb, slit its throat and then stone it to death.
What’s that you say?