Two magazines, two covers, one confused reader

_{Two stories about heavy topics that will blow your mind.}

First, the new issue of Rolling Stone. Breaking news! Led Zeppelin was a good band!

I’m trying to imagine this pitch meeting. The great writer Mikal Gilmore bursts into Jan Wenner’s office, his fedora pitched back on his head and a butt dangling from his lower lip. Wenner is talking on the phone, Mikal presses the button to hang it up.

M. Stop the presses, boss! I’ve got a story’s gonna set this town on its ear!

J. This better be good. That was Billy Joel I was talking to.

M. Okay — what’s the biggest story in rock music today?

J. Lance Bass is Gay.

M. Bigger.

J. Jack White has formed a new group.

M. Bigger.

J. Sleater-Kinney has broken up.

M. No! Led Zeppelin was a good band!

J. (coffee sprays from his mouth) But that’s ridiculous! Can you prove it?

M. I got all the goods right here, chief.
(throws down a file folder.)
Testimonials, musical analysis, best of all, sales figures. CDs, DVDs, T-shirts, everything.

J. But this — this is extraordinary. How did you find all this out?

M. I’m a journalist, chief. I hear about a hot story and I chase it down. That’s what I do.

J. (looks through the data) But — if this is true — why, it would shake the industry to its very core. Do we dare print this?

M. Dare?! Is this the same Jan Wenner who got Elton John to say he was a fruit? Is this the same Jan Wenner who dared to suggest that George W. Bush is an incompetent president? Is this the same Jan Wenner who gave five stars to Mick Jagger’s Goddess in the Doorway?

J. You’re right, you’re right — by God, this is just the kind of incendiary, match-lighting story this magazine was built on!

________________________

And then there’s Newsweek. You can’t see the headline very well on their website, but it’s something like “OLIVER STONE’S 9/11: The Controversial Director Chooses Courage over Conspiracy for “World Trade Center”.

Okay. So Oliver Stone is a Controversial Director. True.

Oliver Stone is also a Conspiracy Nut. True, if one has not seen an Oliver Stone film in fifteen years.

Here’s the thing. By choosing this headline for their issue, they didn’t make me think “Good for Oliver! Way to go, choosing Courage over Conspiracy! That’s m’boy!” Instead, I saw the cover and thought “Wait, Newsweek is telling me there was a choice?” That is, Newsweek is saying that there was a conspiracy, and isn’t it nice that Oliver Stone decided not to focus on it?

Back in the day, it was only certain crazy friends of mine who used to talk about the “planned demolition” of the World Trade Center, and how the federal government plotted the whole thing out, using the Al Qaeda people (or someone) as decoys, how they conspired with Al Qaeda to have their guys fly the planes into the towers, after which they would destroy the buildings, and thus begin the process that we’re living through today, ie the institution of our current facist state, permanent control of the government by religious fanatics, etc, etc.

All of which I used to hear and think “Come on, guys, get a grip.” Are you telling me that the same guys who screwed up Afghanistan, screwed up Iraq, screwed up New Orleans, the same guys who haven’t succeeded in doing anything else in six years of unrestricted power (besides stealing two elections), are you telling me that these guys demolished the World Trade Center?

And now, looking at Newsweek, I have to ask: What do they know?