The Italian Job
1969. Directed by Peter Collinson.
THE SHOT: Michael Caine et alia are going to steal a whole bunch of gold from somebody or other in Turin, then get away in a trio of Mini Coopers.
TONE: Blithe, breezy 60s comedy. Women offer sex at all turns, criminals are concerned about their cars and wardrobe, realism is kept to a bare minimum. In the most fanciful moment, magic mafiosi appear on the side of an Italian Alp, complete with Piranha Brother hats, suits and tommy guns, then moments later vanish into the hillside like gun-toting fairies.
With supporting performances by Noel Coward and Benny Hill, this film can truly be said to contain the alpha and omega of 20th century British wit.
WORTH NOTING: in the original, the triumphant Mini Cooper chase is intended as a metaphor for British ingenuity. In the remake, it’s intended as a very long commercial for Mini Coopers.
DOES CRIME PAY? That is a question that is literally left in the balance.
Criminal
2004. Directed by Gregory Jacobs.
THE SHOT: John C. Reilly is a grifter who spends a day training a new partner and trying to sell a counterfeit, highly valuable piece of currency.
TONE: Sharp, sober, clear-eyed, edgy. John C. Reilly is amazing in a daring performance as one of the most unlikeable protagonists in recent film history. Diego Luna is his green, but willing-to-learn apprentice.
Many twists. Only one I found improbable.
Can’t say too much more. Don’t want to give it away.
Criminal life lived at a workaday, primitive level, exactingly recreated. Razor-sharp acting and direction. Thing really gets under your skin.
DOES CRIME PAY? Well, that would be telling.
CONTEST STILL GOING ON! TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE HEIST/CAPER MOVIES! Only, it’s not really a contest.
The Hard Word
2002. Directed by Scott Roberts.
THE SHOT: Guy Pearce and his gang of robbers are forced by an unscrupulous lawyer to undertake a job holding up a bookie convention.
TONE: Glib, sunny 00s noir. Occasional violence, but mostly the protagonists don’t seem too concerned about anything going on, even when they find out they’re being set up to be killed.
THE JOB GOES SOUTH WHEN: You’ll never guess, but there’s a last-minute addition of — A TRIGGER-HAPPY, SHOTGUN WIELDING MANIAC! In an ironic twist, he is also dyslexic. And hilarity ensues.
SPECIAL FEATURES: Strange romantic subplots that start out of nowhere, end suddenly and have no impact on the narrative. And, quite a bit more about blood sausage than I care to know.
LIFE LESSON: Women, apparently, are good after all.
DOES CRIME PAY? Ultimately, yes, very well. A number of headaches on the way, but once you finally kill someone who needs to be killed, you get to be really cool. Your gang even gets the slow-motion Reservoir Dogs “walking to the job in sunglasses” shot.
In a final, ironic twist, we never find out what the hard word is. Unless it refers to being able to understand some lower-class Australian criminal slang.