Some thoughts on Clone Wars

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I took my kids Sam (7) and Kit (5) to see The Clone Wars. I’ve been reading so much invective directed against this movie, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Online voices are torn: some people seem to hate it, some people seem to merely dislike it, some people feel it is a monstrous act of betrayal. My favorite, a hysterical non-review by “Moriarty” at Ain’t-It-Cool-News, is so full of hurt and anger that it goes so far as to insist that the reviewer will never write about Star Wars ever again — You hear him? Never!  Take that, George Lucas!  Moriarty shuts the Iron Door.

I went in fully braced for an atrocity, a soul-scorching, childish, grating, dead-end cinematic nightmare.

Sorry haters — it’s actually not bad. It’s actually pretty good.

I’m still kind of stunned by the notion that, somehow, the “newer” Star Wars adventures somehow invalidate the “older” ones. Fans old enough to remember the releases of the originals seem to get more and more incensed with every new release. I understand if a movie doesn’t live up to your expectations, I even understand your anger if a movie betrays your understanding of the “deal” you’ve made with the filmmakers, as long as you understand that that deal exists only in your imagination. But the kind of anger I’ve seen directed at The Clone Wars just goes way beyond that. It’s as though George Lucas, while slowly eroding the dignity of his cinematic accomplishment, was also slowly eroding the dignity of his audience.

Well, I think neither is true. The movies — the six movies — are what they are. The Clone Wars isn’t pretending to be Episode II & 1/2, it’s its own thing. It makes that clear right off the bat: the music is different, the introduction is spoken instead of written, and the characters have been dramatically re-designed. This is all intentional, and the result, while less grand, less “important,” is more colloquial and human-scaled. (I’m a little baffled by the fans who think the Genndy Tartakovsky Clone Wars shorts are somehow “better” than Episodes I-III — they strike me as very much Genndy Tartakovsky shorts — jaw-dropping fights, no plot, and The Clone Wars kicks their ass around the block.)

The older fans think that Episodes I-III are bad enough, but The Clone Wars is just gratuitous salt in the wound. Well, I don’t know how to break it to those folks, but Sam has seen all six movies many times, and his favorite is Revenge of the Sith, followed by Attack of the Clones, followed by followed by Return of the Jedi. A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back don’t even make the list. Sam talks about Anakin Skywalker all the time, the battle on Mustafar and the slaughter of the Sandpeople and the fight in the droid factory and the arena on Geonosis. He reads Clone Wars Adventures and counts the animated shorts as canon. That is Star Wars to my 7-year-old, and The Clone Wars was an absolute feast for him, all Anakin and droid battles and crashing spaceships and well-staged, bloodless carnage. He watched The Clone Wars with a look on his face like he was worried that he was never going to remember all the cool stuff he was seeing. Both he and Kit loved the battle droids and their charming stupidity, they both loved Stinky the Hutt and felt genuine concern for his health. (Sam even checked with me afterwards to make sure if he had an accurate understanding of the “ticking clock” concept: he said “When Anakin had the Huttlet, and it was getting sicker and sicker, didn’t that make it more dramatic, because you didn’t know if they were going to make it back to Tatooine in time to save him?”) They’re too young to get the joke of a Hutt who sounds like Truman Capote (both of them thought Ziro the Hutt was a female, but they cheerfully went along with it when they found out he was not). I’ve read reviews by people disgusted by the idea of a stereotypical gay Hutt, or disgusted at the idea of a stereotypical black Hutt, or a stereotypical “Mammy” Hutt, all of which only proves to me that the joke went over these folks’ heads.

And both my kids love Asoka, the girl Jedi who acts as Anakin’s protege and foil. And you know what? I love her too — she’s a great character, the teenage girl who seems to be the only person in the galaxy who doesn’t seem that impressed with Anakin Skywalker. She gets a lot of screen time, she’s a girl of action, she’s smart and funny and she doesn’t take shit from anyone, much less Anakin. (Okay, she’s stuck holding the baby for a stretch, but credit where credit is due — she’s a huge improvement over the whining, helpless Padme of Sith.)

I’m also really impressed with the look of the thing. Sure, it looks cheap — we’re not talking about Wall-E here — we’re not even talking about Kung-Fu Panda, but the animators have taken the limitations of their budget and turned it into an asset. They do exactly what animators on a budget should do, they lean into their limitations, they make the characters look like they’ve been carved out of wood and then painted with some kind of sticky, quick-drying paint, which makes them both strongly stylized and minutely detailed. Take, for example, the lipstick on Asajj Ventress — she’s got these cruel black lips, but in close-ups we can actually see that her lipstick isn’t applied evenly: it gets caught in the creases of her mouth and, here and there, doesn’t actually make it out to the edges of her lips. Similarly, Asoka’s face paint looks like it’s been applied in layers over a period of time — she’s got streaks and splotches here and there, and in other places her salmon-colored skin shows through.

If there is a complaint to be made, it’s that, for a feature film, there’s a lot of plot but nothing of consequence. Nobody important dies, there are no dramatic reveals or reversals, we don’t find out that Anakin is really a woman or that his father is really a B’omarr Monk. Essentially, it’s a lot of busywork, a bunch of “plot,” at the end of which everyone goes back to doing what they were doing when the movie started. And, as the movie is mostly plot, let me hasten to add that the plot is well-executed, well-paced, and fun to watch.

What The Clone Wars resembles is a pilot for a TV show, which it is, which is bad news for your feature-film dollar. But what it also resembles is my son’s home-made Star Wars movies, where he lines up the characters and then just lets them have at each other, with titanic battles and shifting alliances and dramatic duels and last-minute rescues and jaws-of-defeat victories. The older fans are outraged that Star Wars keeps getting diminished, but to my eyes The Clone Wars really is a new beginning, a redefinition for a different medium.

Venture Bros: The Family that Slays Together, Stays Together, Part Two

One thing is certain: no one in this episode knows who is doing what to who why.free stats

General Treister and agents Doe and Cardholder don’t know why Brock has been killing OSI agents, although we think they do(it’s nice to know that Doe and Cardholder are OSI, I had my doubts earlier). Detectives Heat and Collar not only don’t know why Brock killed La Tueur, they don’t have La Tueur’s body any more. The counselor interviewing Hank and Dean thinks they’ve been kidnapped by the thug with the skinny guy in the other interrogation room. The Cleaner probably doesn’t know anything and probably prefers it that way. The Monarch doesn’t know any of the above has happened and pays no attention the clues offered him — he charges forward blindly, pursuing his single-minded agenda of revenge and suffers catastrophic losses for his hubris (sounds like someone I know). Molotov, Hunter and the Blackhearts know why Brock killed the OSI assassins, but even they have no notion of Treister’s involvement, or the Monarch’s: their agenda was fulifilled by the end of Part 1.

(The counselor thinks that Brock is a figment of Hank and Dean’s imaginations. And, in a way, we will find out he is.)

Identity, typically, asserts itself as a theme. Most importantly, Brock, the “tool” of “Viva Los Muertes!” gets smart and starts to think above his pay cut. Specifically, he stops being the brutal assassin of Part 1 and starts thinking in the manner of his superiors at the OSI. He plots, pretends to be the chess-master, thinking he’s pretty clever as he sits back, lights a cigarette and lets the OSI wipe out the Monarch’s henchmen (presumably the OSI also suffers casualties, but the numbers look pretty grim from where I’m sitting). What Brock does not count on is Hank, who has always taken after him, “opening his Christmas present” and demonstrating a flair for bloodshed himself.

(Exposing children to horror is also a theme here: the counselor at the police station thinks Hank and Dean have been tortured and abused, ironically just as Helper is being tortured and abused, Rusty and Hatred trade stories of childhood abuse, Hatred is, himself, a child molester, The Monarch sends all his “children” into battle, Rusty sends his “backup” children into battle as well — strangely, he shows affection for Hank, a desire to protect him from the harshness of the world that none of the other father-figures of the show seem to posess — with the exception of Gen. Treister, who, we learn, has only fatherly affection for Brock. Hank seems too stupid to understand the horror he’s being shown, but Dean, in the panic room at least, shows signs of a full-scale breakdown. Not that anyone would care about that.)

As Brock tries to adjust his identity upward and fails, Sgt Hatred tries to downscale his and also fails. He tries to live the role of a love-struck victim, but comes to the realization that he’s a killer through and through — a realization that allows him to march a platoon of naked teenaged boy-clones (in their Sting-from-Dune metal jockstraps) into the valley of death. What will become of Hatred now? Has he regained his killer instinct, after his suburbanization by the guild and his humiliation at the hands of his wife? At the end of the episode, he asks General Treister if he can have a job — does he mean a job with OSI (which indicates that the barrier between OSI and the Guild is semi-permeable at best and nonexistent at worst) or does he mean, literally, Brock’s job (which involves being the “bodyguard” of a pair of teenaged boys)?

Like Syriana, this episode links governmental actions to familial actions. The Venture Bros is often about father figures, and the government is, after all, the ultimate father figure (at least here on Earth anyway — God, to my memory, hasn’t made it into the show as a character yet). Brock has been trained not to trust his father figure, and who can blame him? Not only does he think the OSI is trying to kill him, the nearest father-figure to hand is Rusty — why would he think a father has his son’s best interests at heart? To make matters worse, his real father figure, the one who Brock thinks does care for him, has “crossed over to the other side” in more ways than one — not only is he no longer a man, he’s joined Brock’s enemy (who is, of course, also his lover).

With excellent timing, this episode manages to quote both Iron Man (with the Monarch’s “Death’s Head Panoply” battle suit) and The Dark Knight (with the scenes of torture and interrogation, and their attendent questions of governmental incompetence and the value of individual action). Why Rusty and Brock are dressed as convicts when they haven’t even been arraigned yet is a tougher question, but Rusty’s line about his jumpsuit being the most uncomfortable thing ever is worth it.

One mystery left to solve: who detonated Helper?