Sam’s first love letter

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A dad can’t help but be proud when his son comes home from kindergarden with a note like this.

“Dear Sam” writes his admiratrix “I left you a penny and two dimes I love you because you gave me a stick.  Love, _____.”  (name omitted so that the young lady in question might one day still become a supreme court justice).

What, ahem, stick, you ask, did my son give her that was worth 21 cents and a love letter?  No special stick, insists Sam, just a Y-shaped stick “you know, like for a slingshot,” that he found in the schoolyard and gave to her because she admired it.

Why is her declaration of love crossed out?  I wasn’t sure how to dance around this subject with Sam, who has already had his 5-year-old heart broken once by the fickle wiles of the pre-teen female heart.  But it turns out there is a perfectly rational explanation, at least in Sam’s mind.  “She still loves me,” says Sam, noting that she repeats her declaration at the bottom of the letter, “it’s just that she must have read the letter again and thought ‘I love you because you gave me a stick?’  That doesn’t make any sense, that sounds crazy.” 

The last time we were talking about career paths, Sam said that he does not think he would make a very good soldier (good for you, Sam) and that he still plans to become an artist (good for you, Sam), but based on this letter, it seems like he will always have “gigolo” as a fallback position.
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7 Responses to “Sam’s first love letter”
  1. craigjclark says:

    ‘I love you because you gave me a stick’

    Make sure you tell Sam if he’s going to give sticks to people, he needs to use protection.

    You know, because he might get splinters.

  2. teamwak says:


    That is the best description of the universal mystery that is called Love…I love you because you gave me a stick. Who knows the mysterys of the female heart?

  3. mikeyed says:

    Too bad for my quote they’re a year too old…

    Five year olds who know how to write logically, that’s what I call amazing.

    “Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can’t make head nor tail out of it.”
    Groucho Marx

  4. eronanke says:

    I’m sorry, Todd. I have to be honest. *I* wrote that letter.

  5. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so loudly at my computer screen… that’s so classic!

    And considering how my love life is going lately, heck, I wish I had someone who would give me a stick! (And I mean that in entirely a non-erotic way. o_0;)

    • Todd says:

      The letter is funny because it ends in the word “stick,” which has a “k” sound at the end. That’s why “Ford” isn’t funny but “Buick” is, as in “There’s a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.” (Woody Allen, Annie Hall, 1977)

  6. urbaniak says:

    21 cents for a stick? Somebody’s got a sugar momma.