Sam hits the nub

Conversation in the car this afternoon with Sam (5):

SAM. Dad?
DAD. Yeah?
S. You know what my favorite food is?
D. What.
S. Lox.
D. I was going to say burritos.
S. I like burritos.
D. How about burritos with lox in them?
S. Eugh!  That would be awful!
D. In New York, there used to be a restaurant near our house, they served crabmeat enchiladas.  That was my favorite food for a long time.
S. Crabmeat?
D. Yeah, they —
S. Meat?  From a crab?
D. Sure, and —
S. How is that fair?
D. What do you mean?
S. You mean they would kill a crab?  Just to get it’s meat?
D. Well —
S. That’s not fair!  The crab wasn’t hurting anybody!
D. But —
S. I don’t think it’s fair to kill animals just to eat them!
D. O-okay, then —
S. How can people do that, destroy nature, I —
D. But Sam —
S. I don’t like killing animals!  It’s not fair and it’s not what nature wants!
D. Okay, sure.  Okay.  So you think it’s okay to eat fish but not, like, chickens and cows and pigs?
S. No!  I don’t think it’s okay to kill animals at all!  Nature wants animals to be out in it, to live, and have fun, and make more animals!  Nature doesn’t want people to kill all the animals!
D. Um, okay.  Okay.  (pause)  Do you know what lox is?
S. Yeah, it’s salmon.
D. Well, salmon is a fish.
S. Yeah, but those fish are already dead, there’s nothing I can do about that.  And, and chicken nuggets, and hamburgers, and bacon, those animals are already dead.  What I’m talking about is killing animals.
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11 Responses to “Sam hits the nub”
  1. rennameeks says:

    I love five year-old logic.

  2. craigjclark says:

    Sam is very astute. Bacon is already dead. Can you imagine what breakfast would be like if the bacon were still alive?

  3. teamwak says:

    Classic. Out of the mouth of babes.

  4. memento_mori says:

    It’s time that Sam gets his own show.

  5. eronanke says:

    Don’t let him join PETA, ok?

  6. greyaenigma says:


    Has Sam tried already dead crab? It’s very tasty! (And don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll get the knack of apostrophes before long.)

    I’m impressed, actually, I don’t think I knew what lox was when I was five.

    • Todd says:

      Sam’s been eating lox since he was 3.

      When he meets people, he announces that he is a New Yorker. Now I know why.

      • greyaenigma says:

        I don’t think I’ve ever actually had lox, I should hunt some down (metaphorically, of course — I wouldn’t kill it) and try it. Out of curiousity, has Sam had sushi?

        When I made my last comment, I was about to mention that I might have heard what lox is since I lived near New York, then it occurred to me that wasn’t relevant in your case; but now that I know Sam is a New Yorker, I withdraw my self-redaction.

  7. greyaenigma says:

    It just occurred to me that if Sam ran the world, he’d have animals run the slaughterhouses, because nature hates when humans kill the animals. But with animals, it’s just the circle of life.