New contest
Idea for a sketch, which I never developed. Memory jogged by the Memento joke from a few days ago. How long can we keep it going?
All ideas will become my personal property.
1. What did you think of Hamlet?
2. I can’t make up my mind.
1. Would you like to read Bartleby the Scrivener?
2. I would prefer not to.
1. Did you read Waiting for Godot?
2. My copy hasn’t shown up yet.
1. When are you going to get back to reading Poe?
2. Nevermore.
1. When are you going to finish King Lear?
2. Never, never, never, never, never.
1. Do you want to read The Merchant of Venice?
2. Can I borrow your copy?
1. You should read Othello, it’s really good.
2. What proof do I have of that?
UPDATE: Excellent work everybody! Keep going!
1. What did you think of Death of a Salesman?
2. It was liked, but not well-liked.
1. When are you going to read Ulysses?
2. One day.
1. When are you going to return my copy of Macbeth?
2. Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow.
1. Do you remember when you finished reading the complete Nathaniel Hawthorne?
2. Yeah, that was a red-letter day.
There’s always the classic from the Simpsons’ Japanese episode:
[Homer maintains that he hates anything Japanese.]
Marge: But that’s not true. You liked Rashomon!
Homer: That’s not how *I* remember it.
I’m sure I’ll come up with some of my own later on, but that’ll do for a start.
1. What did you think of the Bible?
2. Jesus Christ.
1. Didn’t like it, eh? How about “The Passion of the Christ?”
2. Torture.
1. You appear to prefer secular entertainment. How do you like the work of David Mamet?
2. Fuck you.
1. Fine, let’s switch gears. What was your favorite book as a child? Did you enjoy “Alice in Wonderland?”
2. Eat me.
1. No need to be rude. C’mon, you must like something. How about porn? What’d you think of “Deep Throat?”
2. It sucked.
1. How does Todd Alcott’s Livejournal make you feel?
2. Antsy.
1. How would you describe James Urbaniak’s blogging skills?
2. Rusty.*
1. And finally, what is your opinion of the music of Philip Glass?
2. I think he’s repeating himself.
1. Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you.
1 shoots 2. 2 dies.
1. What a senseless waste of human life.
(Pause. Josh Emery enters with a gun.)
Josh Emery: Plagiarist!
Josh Emery shoots 1. 1 dies.
Josh Emery: I hate it when people steal from Monty Python.
A 16-ton-weight falls from the sky and crushes Josh Emery.
16-Ton-Weight (in a “dude” voice): Heavy.
*Dr. Venture’s nickname.
I didn’t get “antsy”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120587/
Coulda, shoulda, woulda realized.
And yet I didn’t.
1. What did you think of Sherlock Holmes?
2. Elementary
That’s all I got.
1. What did you think of Carl Sagan’s Contact?
2. It touched me.
1. How does Tom Sawyer fare as a depiction of the era in which it was written?
2. Terribly. It’s a total whitewash job.
1. What did you think of the ending of 2001?
2. It made me feel like a kid again.
Kickface!
1. Did you enjoy Twice Told Tales?
2. Nah, I’d heard it all before.
1. Didn’t you think The Sun Also Rises was a pretty tough book?
2. Nope, I thought it lacked balls.
1. Did you finally finish Camus’ Myth of Sisyphus?
2. Yeah, but it was an uphill climb.
1. What did you think of Moby Dick?
2. I found it maddeningly elusive.
1. Are you going to read Ulysses?
2. Yes I said Yes I will yes.
1. How was Dracula?
2. Sucks.
1. What about Frankenstein?
2. Seemed a little cobbled together.
Where’s my copy of ‘Of Mice and Men’?
Well, you shouldn’t look too far…
That’s all I have. It took me a day to come up with this…
How was The Machinist?
Exhausting.
Awful. Also, I have never seen the film…
Did you finish reading the ‘Little Engine that Could’?
I think I did.
Gold star!
It was the Hammerz gang! They brought you a copy of ‘A Christmas Carol’.
God bless them!
What do you think of Josh Emery?
His latest whine reached an all time lower.
1. did you see Star Wars?
2. a long long time ago!
Do you want to see the Godfather?
How can I refuse?
Gold star!
Hooray![that was me… too ashamed to sign…NO MORE…]
1.) Do you like ‘Run Lola Run’?
It varies for me…
2.) Do you like ‘Resevoir Dogs’ [originally made for ‘Run Lola Run’]?
It has its moments…
1. How was the soundtrack for Reservoir Dogs?
2. Ear-splitting.
Have you ever watched Run Lola Run?
Over and over again.
(Also works for Groundhog Day.)
1.what did you think of ‘Days Of Wine And Roses’ ?
2.intoxicating
1. What’s your opinion of Psycho?
2. I’m of two minds about it.
You’re too good at this.
Did you like ‘The Portrait of Dorian Gray’?
Eh…it was quite useless.
or
Did they have to use such broad strokes?
or
Can you believe the portrait of Dorian Gray is still so popular?
It seems to refuse to age!
1. What did you think of Lolita?
2. It was criminally seductive.
What did you think of ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’?
Beastly, but not painful to read at the least.
1. What did you think of Great Expectations?
2. It wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.
What did you think of Oliver Twist?
It left me wanting more.
The Great Expectations one showed up in Jim Abrahams’ Hot Shots Part Deux where the punch was given to Charlie Sheen (who underplayed it nicely.
Well, let’s face it, the book has a giant “kick me” sign on it in that regard.
How was Popeye?
It was what it was, and thats all what it was.
er–that it was.
How was Watchmen?
It balanced out in the end.
[i have the icon too!]
How was Dick and Jane?
Seemed to play it safe.
Can I borrow your copy of Where’s Waldo?
Sure, if you can find it.
What did you think of ‘The Greatest Story Ever Told’?
Surprisingly underwhelming.
[originally with ‘The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’]
1.) How much for this copy of American Gods?
2.) That’ll be 16.02.
1.) Aww, that’s gay, man.
2.) Your homophobic cruel tongue is not laced with Good Omens.
1.) But I am the King of Dreams…
2.) …
1.) Umm… here’s your money… you fat spectre which is meant to represent despair…
2.)…
[1 leaves]
Ever see Angels and Visitations?
Never. Where?
Oh, it’s all just Smoke and Mirrors.
Aw, go stick your head in the sand, man.
You think you’re in an extraordinary league, but you best watch your voice when it comes close to the fire, v’re vatching you, and make sure you’re not amongst the lost girls, for irregardles how Gun ho Tom strong you are, your soul will be forever lost….girls…..Alan Moore…
Oh and BAM–> http://www.theonion.com/content/node/47722
The funny thing is, Beckett would probably think that was a funny article.
My favorite line: “Some historians, however, contend that the play could have been the work of one of Beckett’s protégés.”
What did you think of ‘Slacker’?
It never strived to e anything much…
1. Did you like In Search of Lost Time?
2. It wasn’t to my taste.
Sorry I’m late…
1. Would you like to read Bartleby the Scrivener?
2. I would prefer not to.
I’m suing.
How did you like Scanners?
It blew my mind.
What did you think of John Carpenter’s The Thing?
It really got under my skin.
Slither?
I didn’t like it at first, but those slugs really changed my mind.
Did you ever see The Black Hole?
I was expecting it to suck, but something made it just captivating.
Did you like Pale Rider?
Yes, I just didn’t know the name. But I knew it would come back to me.
What did you think of Pleasantville?
Seemed a little colorless at first.
When did you last see Blues Brothers?
It was 106 miles to Chicago, we had a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it was dark and we were wearing sunglasses.
Can you tell me the best part of Henry Fool?
Certain work needs to be experienced all at once in order for one to appreciate the full force of its character.
Pulp Fiction?
It got my adrenaline going.
Ever see 12 Angry Men?
Almost didn’t see it because I wanted to catch the game, but someone persuaded me.
Were you scared by Raiders of the Lost Ark?
I kept my eyes shut during the scariest scene.
Which did you like better, Silence of the Lambs, the The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, And Her Lover, or Big Night?
I ate them all right up!
What did you think of Lawrence of Arabia?
It was a little dry. Also, while I said I liked it for the sake of good manners, my friend raved about it. You may judge which is the more reliable.
Do you remember Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
I just couldn’t get it out of my head.
Did you like the plot of Maltese Falcon?
I missed the main point of the plot for most of the movie.
Did you like Finding Nemo?
I just kept watching, just kept watching.
What did you think of the The Princess Bride?
Inconceivable!
Did you like Hitchcock’s Rear Window?
I couldn’t get out of my seat.
Ever see Taxi Driver?
That is really something you should see.
Did you see Silverado?
A friend recommended that to me, but you never know what he’s going to care about.
Did you ever see the full version of Erich von Stroheim’s Greed?
John McTeague was a simple slow man who became a dentist after working at the Big Dipper Gold Mine. He is now being hunted in Death Valley by his ex-best friend Marcus and the law. His lot was cast the day that he meet his future wife Trina in his office. She was with Marcus and she bought a lottery ticket. Well Mac fell for her and Marcus stepped aside. When Mac and Trina married, she won the Lottery for $5000 and became obsessive about the money in gold. Marcus is steamed as he stepped aside and now she is rich so he has the law shut down Mac as he has no fnord official schooling for his dentistry. Trina fearful that they will take her gold away sells everything and takes all Mac earns when he is working. She adds to her stash of gold as they both live as paupers. When Mac has no job and no money, he leaves and Trina moves. Driven to desperation at being poor and hungry he finds Trina and demands the gold.
Re: Sorry I’m late…
Magnifique [particularly Pulp Fiction]
1. Did you see American Buffalo?
2. I wouldn’t pay a nickel to see that.
What do you think of Roald Dahl?
A peach of a writer that man.
1. What did you think of The Great Gatsby?
2. Pretentious.
Yay! [bounces and claps]
What did you think of Crash?
It seemed to pass by pretty quickly, and the end was just painful.
[disclaimer- Mr. Alex Robeau Lizzerr has not seen neither Croneneberg’s Crash nor Hagiss’, but as not to appear racially insensisitive, assume I reference Cronenberg’s…]
What did you think of ‘Thumbsucker’?
Eh, not enough bite.
How about Brazil?
Seemed productive enough.
~or~
It semmed berribly difficult to telieve.
What did you think of Plan 9 From Outer Space?
Wooden, to say the least.